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101539: He is a student living in Denmark and he is suffering with the secret habit


I am a 24 yr old from India studying in Denmark , alhamdulillah I don’t miss any prayers prescribed to us and when I go out I don’t look at women, neither I watch movies except two or three in a year nor do I have relations with any girl, but I used to masturbate in teenage. When I go to sleep I recite all dua, s prescribed by sunnah and try to sleep in the state of wudhu, at least once in a week I myself don’t know I wakeup in the middle of the night and start masturbating or I visit pornographic websites until I fulfill my desire, my intention was not even 1% to do these things in the middle of the night while going to bed but in the day time these whims and desires cross my mind. In the next morning I feel regretful of what I did last night and every time I used to correct it for some days again the same thing happens, this is the most regretful and the most sad period since I born sheikh because this is continuing since 3 years and I don’t feel peace and satisfaction in my life, since I am disobeying Allah. Every time I do taubah to Allah and promise that I won’t go back to this habit, I break that promise. I have read your previous answers with regard to masturbation habits, but I would like from you little more specific answer to this question. I would be very grateful to you throughout my life, I also request you to do dua for me sheikh.

Praise be to Allaah.

On this site we have discussed many issues to do with masturbation, and we have mentioned the ruling on it, that it is haraam, as well as ways of protecting oneself against it and ways of giving it up – see question no. 329. It seems that you have read all of that, and that you want something that applies specifically to you, so we will discuss some specific issues with you:

 -1-

The fact that you pray regularly, are keen not to form relationships with girls, your determination not to fall into this bad habit and your regret after doing it are all good and will be included in the balance of your good deeds, in sha Allaah. We encourage you to carry on with that and build on it, and do not give up. Your faith has to continue to increase; do not give the shaytaan any opportunity to harm you and make you feel that you are contradicting yourself or stop you regretting and repenting, lest you become one of the doomed. 

-2-

Do not add to this bad habit other sins that will incur the wrath of your Lord, may He be glorified and exalted. If your desire overwhelms your faith and reason, and leads you to practice this bad habit, what is making you commit other sins that incur the wrath of Allaah? What we mean is looking at corrupt websites. Fear Allaah with regard to yourself and do not fan the flames of desire in your heart by looking at haraam things or reading pornographic stories or other things that provoke desire. There is no excuse for any of that because you have control over whether you do it or not. 

-3-

Unfortunately you are living in a permissive country and studying in a mixed environment, where you see evil and immoral things which may cause you to fall into this habit. There is no doubt that committing this sin is less serious than committing zina, if we assume that you have the opportunity to commit this immoral action and it is the matter of choosing between zina and masturbation. But if you really want to rid yourself of this habit and other sins, then you have to rid yourself of the things that provoke these desires, such as living in a permissive country, looking at haraam things and mixing in haraam ways. 

-4-

What we have mentioned in our previous answers is sufficient for you and others who sincerely wish to rid themselves of this habit. But we will tell you of two important things which we hope will help you to rid yourself of this habit and other haraam things: 

(i)

First of all, we ask you: could you do this bad habit in front of your family and brothers? Could you do it in front of your friends and neighbours? Could you do it in front of any of the scholars or the Sahaabah? We are certain that your answer will be: No, I could not do that, no matter what levels my desire reached. Is that not the case? Well, do you know that you are doing it before the Lord of the heavens and the earth?! Do you know that the Creator of the universe can see you when you are doing it? Do you know that when you do it the noble angels can see you? How can you regard Allaah as the least of those who can see you? 

Who is most deserving that you should feel shy before them – those from whom you conceal your action so that they will not say bad things about you, or the One Who warns you of punishment for your action? 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“They may hide (their crimes) from men, but they cannot hide (them) from Allaah; for He is with them (by His Knowledge), when they plot by night in words that He does not approve”

[al-Nisa’ 4:108]

Imam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

What Allaah means in the words “They may hide (their crimes) from men” is that these people who are fooling themselves conceal what they do of betrayal and sin “from men” who could not do them any harm except saying bad things about them because of what they do, if they find out about it. 

but they cannot hide (them) from Allaah” Who is watching them, and none of their deeds are hidden from Him, and He is the One Who can punish and hasten the punishment; He is the One before Whom they should feel shy, above all others, and He is the One Who should be respected so that He will not see them do anything that they would not like any of His creation to see them doing. 

for He is with them (by His Knowledge)” means: Allaah is watching them. 

Tafseer al-Tabari (9/191) 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

This is due to weakness of faith and lack of certain belief, because in their case fear of other people is greater than fear of Allaah, so they strive by both permissible and forbidden means to make sure that they are not found out by other people, but despite that they challenge Allaah by committing major sins and they did not care that He sees them and that He is with them by His knowledge in all their affairs, especially when they do that which does not please Him. 

Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 200) 

(ii)

You do not know when you will die, do you? And you do not know in what condition you will die, do you? Stop for a moment and think about it. What if Allaah were to take your soul in death when you were doing this bad habit? Would this be a good end or a bad one? What if you were to be raised from your grave when the last thing you were doing is this habit? Perhaps you have heard the stories that are widely propagated in words and images about those foolish girls whose end came when they were committing evil actions. Who can guarantee that you – or us – will have a good end? Who has any control over the manner and time of death except Allaah? 

We hope that you will think about what we have said to you, and ask your Lord with all sincerity to cleanse your heart and physical faculties from sins and evils. It was narrated from Abu Dharr in a hadeeth qudsi that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that Allaah said: “O My slaves, all of you are astray except those whom I guide, so ask Me for guidance and I will guide you.” Narrated by Muslim. 

So hasten to fill your time with beneficial things and strive to keep company with righteous people who can take care of you. Hasten to get married, for there is no permissible way of fulfilling your desires except marriage. It is not essential for you to have your parents’ permission. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4778) and Muslim (1400) 

Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford to get married should fast so as to reduce his desire. Based on this the words are addressed to youth who are the ones who usually desire women and cannot avoid thinking of their physical desires. 

 Sharh Muslim (9173). 

Strive to save yourself. We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to purify your heart and physical faculties, and to make you steadfast in faith and certain belief, and to grant you a good end. 

See also the answer to question no. 20229 for information on ways to help you lower your gaze; no. 20161 for information on solving the problem of desire; and 39768 where we have mentioned the health effects of this habit on the body, mind, face and memory, and ways of ridding oneself of this habit and avoiding it. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

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