I am a young man who is about to get married, but I have a problem, namely premature ejaculation. I know that this is a problem that will cause me a lot of difficulty when having intercourse after marriage. At present I am taking steps to deal with this matter myself by reciting Qur’an. When going to sleep, I place my hand over my penis and recite al-Faatihah and “And We send down from the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy…” [al-Isra’ 17:82] and “And when I am ill, it is He who cures me” [ash-Shu ‘ara’ 26:80], each one seven times, then I say: “I ask Allah, Lord of the Mighty Throne, to heal me” seven times, then I offer supplication (du‘aa’), then I blow on my penis three times. And every morning – when I am going to work in my car – I place my hand over my penis and recite the last two verses of Soorat al-Baqarah, Aayat al-Kursiy, al-Faatihah, al-Mu‘awwidhaat, and Ikhlaas and the two verses I mentioned above, in addition to the supplication that I mentioned, then I blow three times on my penis. I do that three times, then after that I ask Allah to heal me from this. Is what I am doing something correct or are there other means or other verses? I do not want to get married when I am in this state.
We do not know how you can suffer from premature ejaculation when you are not married! Such a thing only becomes apparent after getting married, so how can you be suffering from it?
What appears to us to be the case is that, if this is not something imaginary that is not really happening, you may have come to know about it from practising the secret habit! If that is the case, you should realise that you have to hasten to stop doing it, for it has many harmful effects, one of which is that it causes premature ejaculation merely as a result of the penis touching something provocative.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It is medically proven that masturbation leads to a number of diseases. For example, it weakens the eyesight and reduces sharpness of vision to a great extent. It also weakens the penis so that it becomes partially or completely flaccid, in such a way that the one who does that becomes more like a woman because he loses the most important characteristic of manhood with which Allah has favoured men over women. Thus he is unable to get married and if it so happens that he does get married, he is not able to perform his marital function in the manner required, so it is inevitable that his wife will look at other men, because he is not able to keep her chaste. And that has negative consequences as is quite obvious.
It also leads to nervous weakness in general as a result of the exhaustion that results from doing that action. And it leads to problems in the digestive system, leading to poor digestion. It also leads to stunted growth, especially in the penis and testicles, which do not grow to their full natural size. And it leads to infection in the testicles, so that the individual develops the problem of premature ejaculation, as he ejaculates if something merely brushes against his penis.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/122, 123
You should not be anxious about this matter. As we have told you, if the cause is doing the secret habit, there is the hope that when you give it up, Allah will make things easy for you and this symptom will no longer be present after you get married. If it does continue after marriage, then you are advised not to go ahead with penetration until you have engaged in foreplay and pleasure with your wife, and aroused her, so that when she reaches climax, you can penetrate after that, so as to keep yourself and her chaste. But do not overdo it either with regard to foreplay, because that may be one of the causes of premature ejaculation.
If that does not work, then you can consult a specialist doctor who can tell you about medicines to delay ejaculation. Perhaps when you get used to sex, especially after the initial period, this problem will go away without any need for medicine. It is well known that the one who has been unmarried for a long time will have intercourse many times a day when he first gets married and he may ejaculate quickly, but it will not be long before things settle down.
There are da‘eef hadeeths which suggest that it is mustahabb for the husband to engage in foreplay with his wife before penetration, and warn against satisfying his desire without making sure that she is also satisfied. Although the isnaads are da‘eef, the meaning is acceptable and they offer good advice in that regard.
Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before intercourse, so as to arouse her and so that she will get the same pleasure from intercourse as he does. It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said: “Do not have intercourse with her until she is aroused as you are, lest you finish before she finishes.” I [the narrator] said: Are you telling me? He said: “Yes; you should kiss her and touch her, until you see that she is aroused as you are, then have intercourse with her.”
If he reaches climax before she does, it is not right for him to withdraw until she reaches climax, because of the report narrated by Anas ibn Maalik who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When a man has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her. Then when he has fulfilled his desire, he should not withdraw from her until she has fulfilled her desire.” And because that may be harmful to her and prevent her from fulfilling her desire.
Both hadeeths are da‘eef (weak), but they are correct in meaning, as we stated above.
Al-Mannaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her” i.e., let him have intercourse with her energetically and vigorously, doing it properly and with love and sincerity towards her. This is what is recommended.
“If he finishes before her” i.e., if he reaches climax first and she is still aroused.
“He should not withdraw from her” i.e., before she reaches climax and fulfils her desire; rather he should give her time so that she could fulfil her desire as he fulfilled his desire. So he should not move away from her until he is certain that she has fulfilled her desire, because that is part of kind treatment, keeping her chaste and being considerate towards her.
From this hadeeth and others we learn that if the man is quick to reach climax, such that he cannot give his wife time to reach climax, it is recommended for him to seek treatment that will delay ejaculation, because this is a means of doing something recommended, and means come under the same ruling as ends.
Fayd al-Qadeer, 1/325
With regard to the du‘aa’s that you are reciting as a remedy, what is sound of that is what is proven to be sound in the saheeh Sunnah. Anything other than that it is permissible to use, but on condition that you do not make it a regular wird as one may do with the dhikrs narrated from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). With regard to your reciting the verses “And We send down from the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy…” [al-Isra’ 17:82] and “And when I am ill, it is He who cures me” [ash-Shu ‘ara’ 26:80], there is nothing wrong with that, although it would be better to treat yourself by reciting that which is narrated from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and to treat yourself with ruqyah as narrated from him.
We have discussed what is proven of such du‘aa’s in the answer to question no. 75399. That should be sufficient and good, in sha Allah.
With regard to placing your hand over the private part or touching it whilst reciting the ruqyah and the Qur’anic verses it contains, we do not think that you should do that; we are afraid that using the Qur’an in this manner may be disrespectful. Moreover, the problem that you mention is not an obvious sickness such that you could do that when treating it with ruqyah. Even if it is a sickness, the sickness is not in the private part, as you think and because of that you have been using the ruqyah that you mention. Rather it is, as is proven, a problem that is rooted in your nervous system that cannot control ejaculation in the normal manner.
To sum up, we do not advise you to delay marriage in order to solve this problem; the real situation will not become clear until after you get married. Perhaps it is imaginary or an excess of desire, because you are unmarried, and it will soon disappear after you get married. If it so happens that the problem remains, then you can use some appropriate medical treatment after consulting a specialist.
And Allah knows best.