I would ask at a Halakah But I fear he might find out about my asking. By the will of Allah you are my only way to find out how to advise him. Please for the Sake of Allah try to help.
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband has to pay attention to these matters concerning his wife, but we must always be realistic and put up with the negative aspects and mistakes of one another, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.”
With regard to the second matter, according to Islam there is nothing wrong with what you mention. Indeed it is the right of each spouse to enjoy intimacy with the other, and both should pay attention to the other’s needs. But in our Arab societies the man usually takes the initiative because the women tend to be shy, and this is something that is praiseworthy. I think that you should try to convince your husband that if customs and traditions have no basis in sharee’ah, there is no need to adhere to them. But if you cannot convince him then in both your interests, each partner should pay attention to the customs of the other.