131469: He goes for ‘Umrah and takes his mother with him, and his wife objects


I am a man who is well off, praise be to Allah. Every year I travel to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to perform rituals of ‘Umrah and I like to take my mother with me to perform ‘Umrah every year. But the problem is that my wife objects and says that I should not take my mother with me. The reason for that is so that I will not spend a lot of money, in other words she feels sorry for me. She said to me: You have taken her once and this is enough. I cannot feel happy without making my mother happy by taking her for ‘Umrah or for a trip or for any other reason because I love my mother very very very much and I prefer her over myself or my children or my wife. Please note that my father has taken a second wife and does not pay any attention to her. My question is: does my wife have the right to object when I know that my wife does not have the right to object to anything I do for my mother because I do not fall short with regard to her rights, even with regard to ‘Umrah. I said to her: If you want to go for ‘Umrah then go, and I will spend on you. What advice can you give to my wife?.

Praise be to Allaah.

We are happy that you mentioned your love for your mother and your kind treatment of her and your keenness to make her happy. We ask Allah to reward you for that with the best of rewards and to bless you with righteous offspring who will treat you well, for the reward is of the same nature as the deed. Honouring one's parents is one of the greatest acts of worship and righteous deeds. Hence Allah mentioned it alongside worship of Him and affirmation of His Oneness, as He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

24. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’””

[al-Isra’ 17:23, 24]

Al-Nasaa’i (3104), Ibn Maajah (2781) and Ahmad (15,110) narrated from Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah al-Sulami that Jaahimah came to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, I want to go out and fight (in jihad) and I have come to consult you. He said: “Do you have a mother?” He said: Yes. He said: “Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) saw a Yemeni man circumambulating the Ka’bah, carrying his mother on his back, saying: I am her humble camel; if other mounts spook easily, I do not.  Then he said: O Ibn ‘Umar, do you think I have paid her back? He said: No, not even one contraction. Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad; classed as saheeh by Ibn Hajar in Takhreej Ahaadeeth al-Kashshaaf, and by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Adab al-Mufrad

What you are doing of going for ‘Umrah every year and taking your mother with you, is a great good deed, so carry on doing it and do not stop. Perhaps the good situation and abundant provision that you enjoy are because of your honouring your mother and treating her well. 

We say to your dear wife: You should be happy with this good conduct and help your husband to do it, and be certain that this spending will never be wasted with Allah, and that the goodness and blessing of it will come back to you and your children in sha Allah. It will not cause wealth to decrease; rather it will increase it and bless it and cause it to grow. You should praise Allah as He has blessed you with wealth so that you may use it to obey Him, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allah be pleased with him): “O ‘Amr, how blessed is the good (halaal) wealth that belongs to a good (righteous) man.” Narrated by Ahmad (17096); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Adab al-Mufrad

And he said: “There is no cause for envy except in two cases: a man to whom Allaah gives wealth and enables him to spend it in support of the truth, and a man to whom Allaah gives wisdom and he rules in accordance with it and teaches it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (73) and Muslim (816). 

If you feel some resentment because your husband treats his mother so kindly so often, then put yourself in her position and see how happy you would be because of this treatment and how much you need that and other kinds of kind treatment and care. 

We ask Allah to bless you both and to increase you in righteousness and good deeds. 

And Allah knows best.

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