13924: Does she have to obey her husband’s mother?


his parents are constantly interfering with our lives. His mother specifically and his sister. He is a grown man and he has no independence , not even a slight bit. Please tell me what rights does his mother or sister have over me? She told me she has more right over me now and my parents have none. And I need to take her permission to something or go somewhere. I know I need to take my husbands permission and I do that. But I dont think she has a right to tell me how I should run my household. Please clarify this issue for me?

Praise be to Allaah.  

With regard to the rights of your husband’s mother and sisters, they have the right to be treated kindly, you should keep in touch with them and treat them kindly as much as possible. 

But with regard to your mother-in-law’s claims that you have to seek her approval in all matters, this is not correct, and none of the scholars has said that this is one of the rights that a husband has over his wife. Rather your duties are those which have been mentioned (by the scholars), namely obeying your husband and seeking his approval, so long as he does not tell you to commit a sin. That does not mean that you should not benefit from your mother-in-law’s experience or her advice if it is useful. And if you are patient in putting up with some of her difficult behaviour in order to honour your husband, that is a good deed for which you will be rewarded in sha Allaah. But as for her saying that your family have no rights over you, this is not correct, rather they still have the rights of upholding ties with them, honouring them, treating them kindly and visiting them from time to time, especially your parents. Their rights come after your husband’s rights over you. 

We ask Allaah to open your hearts to one another and to grant you wisdom.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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