I am a christian woman. i am in love with a man who is muslim i want to marry him on any cost he guided me towords Islam and i have seen the scientific proofs of islam now my situation is i am neutral i am not christian and even not muslim...i really want to embrace islam i am really trying very hard. Infact my belief on christianity was very strong whcih has almost gone, also my family allowed me do whatever can make you happy Inshallah soon i will embrace Islam but i am worry about i can't get the peace and satisfaction of what i am going to do...if i embrace Islam without peace and satisfaction it seems like i am just becoming muslim to marry the Man i love whcih i don't want to do...i want to become muslim for Allah..what should i do i am very confuse and praying to allah to show me the right path..even i have choosen my name Emaan. kindly guide me that what should i do if i embrace Islam without peace and satisfaction will it be ok... rest of the things i will leave on Allah to guide for the right things..?
my second question is when i will become muslim will be still able to meet my non-muslim family..infact i was reading somewhere in islamic site..that if husband ristrict his wife not to visit the places and not to do the things which he doesn't like...a wife must obey her husband and not to annoy him... I Love my family very very much and they love me heaps too thats why they are not risisting in my way to become muslim..but i don't want to leave them and also they don't want to leave me too.. kindly guide me if i could meet my family..and celebrate the special days whith them and i would be able to exchande the gifts on special days like christmas..?.
Hesitation about entering Islam is not something expected from a woman like you who can write in such an eloquent manner and has reason and wisdom with which to know right from wrong, rather you should be guiding others who are confused and lost.
You should realize that the Shaytaan is the one who is preventing you from making a firm decision to enter Islam; he is the one who is making you think that your entering Islam is not because of your own conviction and that you will never have peace of mind, and other thoughts that he is putting into your heart and mind, and making you hesitate to make the decision that will bring you happiness in this world and in the Hereafter.
Your becoming Muslim will be for the sake of Allaah, and the Muslim man is only the means that led to that. There is no shame on a man who becomes Muslim because of a woman who advises him sincerely and guides him, and there is no shame on a woman who becomes Muslim because of a man who advises her sincerely and guides her. There follows the unique story of a woman in Islam. She is one of the rare examples of this ummah (nation); think long and hard about her story:
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: Abu Talhah proposed marriage to Umm Sulaym, and she said: “By Allaah, O Abu Talhah, a man like you is not to be refused, but you are a kaafir man, and I am a Muslim woman, and it is not permissible for me to marry you. But if you become Muslim that will be my mahr (dowry), and I will not ask you for anything else.” So he became Muslim, and that was her mahr.
Thaabit – the student of Anas – said: I never heard of any woman who had a better mahr than Umm Sulaym, which was Islam [i.e., her husband becoming Muslim]. Then he consummated the marriage with her, and she bore him a child.
Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 3341. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i.
You should also note that as soon as faith enters the depths of your heart, you will realize that the whole world cannot be equal to living for one moment with this great blessing of Islam. Some people entered Islam for the sake of money, but they soon began to love Islam and to fight for its sake, sacrificing that which was most dear to them.
So you must strive within yourself and realize that the Shaytaan wants to prevent you from attaining happiness and following the religion of man's natural inclination and reason. You will be choosing the religion of Adam, Ibraaheem (Abraham), Moosa (Moses) and the Messiah (peace be upon them all), the religion of the natural inclination of man with which people were created. This universe has only one Lord, with no partner or associate. He is the One Who deserves to be worshipped alone, and our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was only sent with the same message as the Messengers who came before him. So be with those who follow the Prophets and Messengers and you will find happiness in this world and in the Hereafter.
Islam will never prevent you from meeting with your family, rather it will urge you to treat them even better than you did before, so that you will be a good example of a Muslim woman, and help them to embrace this religion. The people who most deserve to share this blessing with you are your family members.
Asma’ bint Abi Bakr al-Siddeeq said: My mother came to me when she was a mushrik at the time of Quraysh, at the time of the treaty with them (i.e. during the period when the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had made a peace treaty with the people of Makkah not to fight for the duration). I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “O Messenger of Allaah, my mother has come and she needs my help, should I uphold ties of kinship with my mother?” He said, “Yes, uphold the ties of kinship with your mother.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (and Muslim, 1003).
Here the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave permission for a Muslim to uphold the ties of kinship with his family who follow a religion other than Islam, even if those family members are calling him to forsake his religion and become a mushrik (one who worships others besides Allaah). Although Islam forbids him to respond to their call, it still commands him to treat them well and be kind to them.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.
But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly”
Our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was keen to call his family to Islam, and he continued to visit them and call them; he visited his paternal uncle Abu Taalib when he was dying and invited him to Islam.
So there is nothing to prevent you visiting your family, but that should be in agreement with your husband, and you have to utilize these visits to call them to the truth and goodness, and help them to attain salvation.
What is haraam in these visits is free mixing of men and women, shaking hands with non-mahram men, and joining in their festivals. It is no secret to you that the rulings brought by Islam are in the best interests of people, both in this world and in the Hereafter. There is nothing wrong with exchanging gifts with them either, and that may be a means of softening their hearts and encouraging them to become Muslim, so long as the gifts are not given because of their festivals, especially the religious festivals. It is not permissible for you to accept or give gifts on those occasions, because that is helping them in their falsehood and approving of it.
See also question no. 1130.
And Allaah knows best.