My life has fallen into a great difficulty. my sisters have behaved badly. because of this, my father does not want to stay with us so is living in pakistan. but my sisters have got round my mother and they will not repent for their evil ways. my iman has become a joke for them. they have haram relationships. in their ignorance they taunt me that i will marry my cousin and they say it is illegal. i feel evil all around me. i am slowly becoming an outcast in my family just as my father became. i am losing my mind. i have no inner peace and when i do it doesnt last. i feel helpless. every day is a difficulty for me. i have conditioned myself to cope with the terrible situations in my family. i feel stressed. i cannot concentrate on anything.
please brother can you give me some advice - should i leave home? should i stay with my father in Pakistan? please can you tell me if Allah is testing me or cleansing me of my sins.
Your father made a grave mistake when he left the house and went back to his own country. Allaah has entrusted him with something and he has neglected that trust. What he should have done was to stay with his children in order to discipline them, look after them and take care of their affairs. Perhaps it is your father’s leaving that made your sisters’ behaviour even worse.
So we advise you, first of all, to convince your father, as a matter of necessity, to come back to his wife and children, so that he can take care of them and discipline them, or for all of them to join him in Pakistan – even if that is done by force or by trickery – and perhaps that would be better, because your staying in that land where there is kufr, evildoing and moral laxity is what is affecting your sisters’ attitude and behaviour.
Your mother, likewise, has to fear Allaah with regard to her daughters and not give them free rein. Now she has taken on a heavy burden of responsibility, especially since your father has left. So she should not take things lightly with regard to her daughters. Your mother has to realize the seriousness of what your sisters are doing and the damage their actions may do to all of you in this world, and the sin which will be upon them in the Hereafter and upon those who approved of their actions or who allowed them to do that and made it easy for them to do evil actions.
You have to be patient and to give thought to every action before you do it. Staying with them is not entirely good, and leaving them is not entirely good. Rather the matter depends on the effects of your staying and the effects of your leaving. If your staying in the home will affect your religious commitment and your sanity, and make you fall into sin, then we advise you to leave. If your leaving will make their behaviour worse and your staying will not affect your religious commitment and sanity, then it is haraam for you to leave, because your leaving may make the sin worse, which would mean that you were neglecting your responsibility and being careless about that which has been entrusted to you.
Perhaps this is a test from Allaah for you, to expiate for your bad deeds and to raise you in status, not a punishment. Hence we advice you to be patient, not to make any hasty decisions, to make du’aa’ and to beseech your Lord to guide your sisters to be good and chaste. We advise you to look for means of guiding them such as getting them married, looking for good sisters for them to mix with, moving house, and so on. Perhaps when Allaah sees that you are sincere, He will help you and will guide your sisters and your mother, and will unite the family in religious commitment and goodness. For He is able to do that and He is the Guide to the Straight Path.
We will tell you the following story, from which you may learn a lesson:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was a mushrikah. I called her one day and she said something about the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that I did not like to hear. So I went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) weeping, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have been calling my mother to Islam, but she refuses. I called her today and she said something about you that I did not like to hear. Pray to Allaah to guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O Allaah, guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah.” I went out feeling optimistic because of the du’aa’ of the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When I came home and reached the door, I saw that it was slightly ajar. My mother heard my footsteps and said, “Stay where you are, O Abu Hurayrah!” and I could hear the trickling of water. She took a bath and got dressed, and put on her headcover, then she opened the door and said, “O Abu Hurayrah, I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger!” I went back to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and I came to him weeping with joy. I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, rejoice, for Allaah has answered your prayer and guided the mother of Abu Hurayrah.” So he praised Allaah and said good words. I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, pray to Allaah to make my mother and me beloved to His believing slaves, and to make them beloved to us.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O Allaah, make this slave of Yours – meaning Abu Hurayrah – and his mother beloved to Your believing slaves, and make the believers beloved to them.” So there are no believing people who hear of me even though they do not see me, but they love me.
Narrated by Muslim, 2491
And Allaah knows best.