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21831: He wants to get married but his father is refusing


My problem is with my father i have 7 brothers and i am number 5 and i asked my father that i want to marry and his answer was no wait 4 years and i am going to finish my trainnig in shallah after 1 year and maybe you know how is my country it is really not good ALLAH AL MODTA3AAN so i want to know is my father going to have thnoooob coz he didn't let me marry and my all brothers are singles not marry and i cant talk to him any more coz when i talk to him he gets angry and i cant say anything that time and really i didn't do any thing bad wallah i want to do everything in the right way but he don't allow me to do it

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: 

We noticed in your question that you are kind to your father, and this is something to be commended. We urge you to keep honouring your father, for Allaah has enjoined that upon you, and the texts which enjoin that are so well known that we do not need to quote them here. 

Secondly: 

We also noticed from your question how hard you are trying not to fall into doing something that would lead to doom and punishment. This indicates – in sha Allaah – that your religious commitment is strong. Your religious commitment is your capital, so beware of squandering it and losing out in this world and in the Hereafter. Keep this fear of falling into immoral actions which would earn you the wrath of Allaah. Always remember that Allaah is watching you, night and day, and remember that He knows the secret and that which is yet more hidden; He knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal. It is sufficient to imagine if Allaah were to take your soul whilst you – Allaah forbid – were committing a sin: how would you meet Allaah? 

Thirdly:

 We advise you to fear Allaah, for that will form a barrier between you and immoral actions. We advise you to lower you gaze and avoid looking at anything that Allaah has forbidden. You are only allowed the first glance which happens unintentionally. We advise you not to listen to things that Allaah has forbidden that may provoke desire, and to keep away from bad company and immoral friends who do not want anything for you except Hell in the Hereafter and shame in this world. 

These are some of the things that make a person fall into immoral actions. The more you keep away from them, the more you will keep away from immorality. After that, we advise you to do acts of worship, especially fasting, which is the remedy recommended by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in cases such as yours.  

It was narrated that Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4778; Muslim, 1400) 

We advise you to read Qur’aan and to make a lot of du’aa’, asking Allaah to keep you away from temptations both obvious and hidden. We advise you to find good friends who can guide you to the path of righteousness and help you to adhere to it. We also advise you to exercise, and to go to sleep early. 

There are some of the means which, hopefully, will be the means of keeping you away from everything that is not pleasing to your Lord. 

We offer you the following useful advice: 

Ibn Muflih said – quoting from Ibn ‘Aqeel in al-Funoon – You listen to the words “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [al-Noor 24:30 – interpretation of the meaning], but you are staring at that which Allaah has forbidden as if you are desperate to acquire it or regretting that you have no way to get it. And you listen to the words, “Some faces that Day shall be Naadirah (shining and radiant)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:22 – interpretation of the meaning] and you think that they were revealed concerning you. And you listen to the words “And some faces that Day will be Baasirah (dark, gloomy, frowning and sad)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:24 – interpretation of the meaning], and you think that they were revealed concerning someone else! How can you be so sure? Where did this wishful thinking come from? This is a kind of deception which stands between you and taqwa. 

(al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah, 1/151, 152) 

Fourthly: 

With regard to what your father is doing, preventing you from getting married and delaying your marriage, this is a mistake on his part. He should fear Allaah with regard to his sons, and hasten to arrange their marriages. He should realize that the need of some of his sons and daughters for marriage may be greater than their need for food and drink. 

There follows a fatwa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on a case that was similar to your father’s: 

“As Allaah has enjoined upon your father to spend on your food, drink, clothing and accommodation, he must also arrange your marriage if you need to get married, as the scholars have said. 

I would like to take this opportunity to point out something important, which is that some fathers, even though they are well-off, refuse to arrange their sons’ marriages when the sons ask them to, telling them, ‘Earn enough money to spend on yourself and get married, for you are a man,’ and so on. But the scholars have stated that whoever is obliged to spend on a person is also obliged to keep him chaste and arrange his marriage. So let these fathers fear Allaah and do that which Allaah has enjoined upon them, namely keeping their sons chaste. And Allaah is the Source of strength.” 

From Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, part 3, p. 619 

Finally, we ask Allaah to make us and you steadfast and chaste, and to help us, for He is the Best of supporters and helpers.

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