I am a young woman. I used to live a happy life, although unislamic (except I used to pray and fast and reasonable hijab). Then since i got married, I started to become religious Alhamdulillah. But this is when my problems started. I always think to myself that I was not that bad in my life before marriage (as compared to other people who are much more unreligious), and I have not done many sins. So why is all this happening to me and what is the solution?
and blessings and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah, who said: “Allaah has shared out your attitudes among you just as He has shared out your provisions. Allaah gives worldly provision to those whom He loves and those whom He does not love, but He gives religion only to those whom He loves. So whoever is given religion, Allaah loves him…” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3490; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 714). Based on this hadeeth, you should praise Allaah a great deal for this blessing which He has bestowed upon you by enabling you to adhere to His religion. Note that trials are the nature of this world which is the world of tests and trials.
“and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”
[al-Anbiya’ 21:35 – interpretation of the meaning]
In the face of every trial the Muslim’s attitude should be that of one who is certain that Allaah does not decree for him anything but that which is good for his worldly and spiritual affairs. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2999).
Everything that you have mentioned in your question comes under the heading of being tested by means of things that no person would want. What you must do is to bear it with patience and realize that all of that comes for Allaah for the purpose of good which He wants for you.
Adherence to the commands of Allaah is not the cause of the trials that have befallen you, because one of the things stated by sharee’ah is that righteousness is one of the causes of happiness and that the opposite is the cause of misery. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):
“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision)”
“then whoever follows My Guidance he shall neither go astray, nor shall be distressed.
But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship”
Faith brings true happiness in both this world and in the Hereafter, and turning away from the remembrance of Allaah causes misery and hardship. True happiness is in the heart and is not cancelled out by whatever trials may befall the believer. Indeed the trials of this world happened to the Prophets too, as it says in the hadeeth: “The people who are most sorely tried are the Prophets, then those who are closest to them, then those who are next closest.” (Ahmad, 26539; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 1165). According to another version, “A man will be tested according to the level of his religious commitment, and the trials will keep affecting a slave of Allaah until he is left walking on the face of the earth with no burden of sin whatsoever.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 4013; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah, 3249). As stated above, in the first hadeeth quoted, ease and hardship in this life are not related to a person’s religious commitment.
What we advise you to do is to strive to make yourself be patient and keep away from corrupt thoughts and from thinking negatively about Allaah. Do not let your adherence to Islam weaken because of these thoughts. One of the most important means that will help you to achieve this is making du’aa’. Indeed, difficulties may be a means of a person making more du’aa’ to his Lord, which will open the door to much good for him. Choose the du’aa’s from the Qur’aan and Sunnah that are appropriate to seeking relief from distress, such as the prayer of Ayyoob:
“Verily, distress has seized me, and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy”
[al-Anbiya’ 21:83 – interpretation of the meaning]
Be certain that you will receive a response, and do not be in too much of a hurry, for Allaah is more merciful towards His slave than a mother to her child. Strive to protect yourself with dhikr as prescribed in sharee’ah.
Another thing that will help you to be patient is to read the seerah (biography) of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and the trials and hardships that he endured. You should also ponder the reward for those who are patient in this world and in the Hereafter. One of the most useful books on this topic is ‘Uddat al_Saabireen by Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him). [Note: an abridged translation of this book is available in English under the title “Patience and Gratitude”, Ta-Ha Publishers, London, UK]
We ask Allaah to grant you patience and make you steadfast, and to heal you and your child, and to restore good relations with your husband and your family. May He help us and you to adhere steadfastly to the path of truth.