Sat 19 Jm2 1435 - 19 April 2014
326

He is in love with a girl but cannot marry her

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I am currently in a sitaution that may be common among the muslim community. I have met a wonderful Muslim XXX girl six months ago, I am XXX. We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other. Everything about our relationship has been wonderful.I feel Allah has brought us together. We have talked about marriage and both agree we want to spend our lives together.Now here is where the problem begins.Her father would not agree to marry her to anyone but a XXX that he has chosen in an arranged marriage.Even if she doesnt love him. I have spoken to her mother and she really likes me.She tried to talk to her husband but he wouldnt listen.Now it looks like her dad will arrange a marriage for her soon. What can we DO!!!I dont want to lose her I love her soooo much.Is there anything we can do?

Praise be to Allaah.

Praise be to Allaah besides Whom there is nobody to praise when calamity strikes.

My dear brother, you should realize that no calamity befalls a person except because of sin, and it cannot be lifted except by repentance.

Despite all the hardship you are facing and the intense pain you are feeling, you still have to think about the root of the problem and understand the shar’i ruling on it and learn a lesson from what has happened. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:79]

it comes from yourself because you gave yourself free rein in starting this forbidden relationship and getting to know this girl in a manner that is not approved of in sharee’ah, and because you indulged in absolute freedom in an environment that is far removed from the laws of Allaah.

Don’t you see that our Lord is truly Wise and All-Knowing when He forbids men to deliberately look at non-mahram women or to touch them or be alone with them or take them as friends? Allaah knows that this leads to haraam things whether it is immoral actions of varying decrees or falling in love – which is the serious and fatal disease from which you are suffering because of your sin. You have become one of its victims, suffering its pain and choking on it.

You have been very frank in describing this disease from its onset, and how you fell into this devilish trap, when you said in your question: “I have met a wonderful Muslim girl six months ago... We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other.”

But you mention that you feel that Allaah has led you to one another. If you mean that this has happened by the will and decree of Allaah, then this is correct. Even Iblees exists by the will and decree of Allaah. But if you meant that Allaah decreed this because He likes it and approves of it, (this is wrong, because) Allaah does not approve of anything that is haraam. Just because something happens does not mean that Allaah likes it or approves of it. Allaah decrees good and evil for reasons which only He knows.

If you say now that what has happened has happened, and cannot be changed, so what can we do about this father who is standing in the way of these two lovers who want to get married?

I would say that there is nothing wrong with making efforts – in halaal ways, of course – to persuade this father, such as bringing mediators from within the family, or the imaam of the Islamic Centre where the father goes, and so on, and praying earnestly to Allaah to make this girl part of your lot in life if this is good for you and for her. If what you want happens, then praise be to Allaah, Who is the Giver of bounty and blessings.

But if all attempts fail, mediation does not work and the wind blows in the way that the sailor does not like (i.e., things do not go the way you hoped), then you should know that from the point of view of sharee’ah you can never marry this girl without the consent of her guardian – which is her father in the case – because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1102, and by Abu Dawood, Ahmad and Ibn Maajah. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2709). The marriage contract will not be valid even if it was approved by jaahili courts and kaafir judges.

It is impossible for running away with this girl to be a valid solution, either in this world or in the next.

We must also ask some other questions raised by your situation, such as: what is your commitment to Islam – do you pray regularly, for example? Does she adhere to the hijaab prescribed by sharee’ah? What is the attitude of your own family to the idea of your marrying this girl?

Finally, you must realize that you will have to forget about her if she marries someone else. In that case, you should not waste your life regretting losing her. You never know where good may come from. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.”

[al-Baqarah 2:216]

What has happened is a mistake of which you are going to bear the bitter consequences, but you have to be sincere towards Allaah and strive to repent and turn back to Him. If this girl is not destined to be your lot in life, then we ask Allaah to compensate you with someone better than her. “Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him, and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the muhsinoon (good-doers) to be lost.” [Yoosuf 12:90 – interpretation of the meaning].

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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