What does islam says about this case: I want to marry a muslim man..but my parents refuse him totally because he is from a different country than mine. My mother is crying all the time which hurt me a lot. I love my mother deeply and i don't want to hurt her. but i want to get married with the man i choosed because he has the necessary qualities that islam asks for: kafaa and "aql" plus he is a good beleiver. in addition, we have involved in a relationship that im asking allah to forgive me..and the only solution now is to get married. i always talk with my parents with extreme care, but it just takes long time, and i want to finish this relationship by marriage as soon as possible, is my obligation to my parents more important than my marriage?
Praise be to Allaah.
Obeying ones parents is obligatory, as is respecting their wishes with regard to good things. It is better to respect their wishes in this matter, and Allaah will compensate you with someone better. Your description of the man in your question, as having the necessary qualities that islam asks for: kafaa and "aql" plus he is a good beleiver, does not fit with the sin that he has committed by having this haraam relationship with you. Whether this relationship involved zinaa (illicit sexual contact) or not, the way out is to repent and show regret. If this relationship resulted in pregnancy, then marriage is not the solution to this problem, because in this case the child is for the bed (meaning he should be given his mothers surname and the zaani [man who committed zinaa] has nothing to do with him), as was reported from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). If you both repent to Allaah, and you manage to persuade your family , and your guardian agrees to let you marry this man, then praise be to Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who gets married without her guardians permission, her marriage is invalid (Reported and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 1021).
We ask Allaah to help you to repent sincerely and to help you to do the right thing, whatever it may be. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.