I'm a 19 year old girl and my father is sexually attracted to me. There was an incident where he seduced me and even though I confronted him about it, he still does it. I told my mom but she acts as if she's unaware of it, even though I have a sense that she is. I don't think she can do anything about it though, since we rely on our dad financially. We also need him beside us because we live in Canada, which is a whole new country for us. Can you please tell me how I should deal with my dad? Or how I should treat him after this incident? Should I even speak to him at all?.
To Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. This, by Allaah, is something that would make one weep. Have things become so bad that the fitrah has been turned upside down and a father feels such things towards his daughter?
There is no doubt that this father is mentally ill and sexually deviant, and he needs urgent and intense treatment for his heart and mind, both psychological and physical treatment.
For yourself, you need to take measures to make it difficult for your father to find any opportunity or time to seduce you or interfere with you. Do not be alone with him in the house, and lock the door when you are in your room. Do not let him enter upon you on his own. All of these measures will reduce the opportunities for interfering. But in order to stop this problem altogether, that can only be done by getting treatment for your father, or telling everyone about the problem. You have to realize that you need to be prepared for the effects that disclosing the situation will have on you and on the whole family, but this is better than things staying as they are now.
Your mother has to fear Allaah; her not caring about what her husband is doing is something for which she will be called to account and she will be regarded as a partner in his crime, because she could do something to stop him doing this evil deed.
You can seek the help of one of your wise relatives to intervene in this matter and stop the deviation of this sick father.
Undoubtedly these sick actions on the part of some fathers have their causes, and no one can deal with a problem without knowing its causes and how to treat it. Some of these causes have to do with the father, some with the daughter herself and some with the time and place in which the family lives.
The causes of this deviation that have to do with the father include the following:
1- Weak faith, lack of fear of Allaah and a failure to realize that He is watching.
2- Addiction to alcohol or drugs.
3- Mental or psychological illness.
4- Watching provocative shows on satellite channels, or looking at permissive pictures
5- Too much free time
The causes that may have to do with the daughter include:
1- Careless in the manner of dress. Many girls wear tight and short clothes in front of their fathers and brothers, which goes against sharee’ah and may provoke evil desires in sick souls that have been stirred up by satellite channels and permissive pictures.
2- Carelessness in some actions, such as kissing on the mouth or provocative touching, or sleeping in the same bed or under the same cover as her father or brother. These actions are also contrary to sharee’ah and provoke evil.
If we want to deal with such deeds that go against the fitrah (sound human nature) and Islam then we must put a stop to these causes that lead to such decadence. This may be done in the following ways:
1- Striving to spread virtue and good morals among the family members, and to strengthen their faith in Allaah, their awareness that He is watching and their fear of Him. This may be achieved by observing prayer regularly and on time, and keeping away from forbidden things and bad attitudes.
2- Totally avoiding looking at, listening to or reading provocative programs and stories.
3- Keeping away from bad company who only lead one to evil and bad things.
4- Keeping girls away from clothes that go against Islam, such as tight, short and see-through clothes; avoiding provocative touching and kissing on the mouth.
5- Seeking spacious living quarters where a girl will not need to be with her father or brothers in the same room or under the same blanket.
6- The mother should play her role in tackling such problems, by not being heedless or careless about anything she sees or hears that goes against sharee’ah, and she should not wait until things get really bad or cannot be set right. Rather she has to be aware from the outset, and not allow her daughter to be careless or allow her husband to do whatever he wants.
7- Wise relatives should be informed of such actions so that matters may be dealt with. If that does not work, then you have to make a complaint to the sharee’ah court or to the security services in order to stop his evil actions towards you.
8- Our sister who has asked this question needs to take the matter seriously and not delay taking action. We advise her to make du’aa’ and seek out the times when du’aa’s are answered, such as the last third of the night, asking that your father be guided and that his evil be withheld from you.
9- It is haraam for you to take your father’s actions lightly. You have to ward him off with all the strength you have, and raise your voice in shouting for help, even if that leads to his being shamed or imprisoned.
10-If none of these solutions work, then we do not advise you to stay in the house. We advise you go and live with some righteous sisters or with your relatives where you can live with them in accordance with Islamic rulings.
We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and to guide your father and withhold his evil from you.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.