I would like some advice on a problem that is literally ruining my life. For a long time I was a practicing Muslim, who was happily involved in following the message of our prophet (s.a.w.)and following the commands of Allah. About two years ago, I decided that it was time that I should fulfill the other half of my religion and get married, as living as single man in a western country sets you up for all kinds of temptations. Anyway, I went to my home country, where I felt the chances of meeting someone that suited me was greater, and was introduced to several different girls, until finally I came across a girl who I felt I would like to know better. Being overseas, I had little time to really spend too much time with her, so I did the following things before I made a decision: my mother sat with her and told me she was a wonderful girl and she would be good for me. I asked several people about her and not one person had a bad thing to say. I met with her also and found her to be extremely well mannered, have strong knowledge in religion and someone that would make a good wife. And obviously, in the end, I relied on Allah. Both my mother and I prayed that I was doing the right thing, and I also prayed Istikhara to help with my decision. Well, we got married without a problem, and she got a visa extremely easily to come to where I live. I though everything was going well. Now please let me make one thing clear, she is an absolute dream to live with. I have absolutely no problem with her and she is loved by my whole family. My problem is this: I cannot for the life of me find any interest in her sexually. Before we were married I did look at her with interest, but now, for some unbeknown reason, I can't even go near her in that way. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating this is. Not only is it driving me crazy but she is starting to really be bothered by it too. I don't kno
Praise be to Allaah.
Praise be to Allaah in all circumstances.
My dear brother, what you have described is indeed difficult and hard, but the Muslim can do nothing but accept the decree of Allaah and face whatever difficulties Allaah sends by following the means prescribed in sharee’ah.
What we advise you to do is the following:
- Consult a trustworthy Muslim psychologist.
- Seek help through ruqyahs prescribed in sharee’ah [i.e., reciting Qur’aan and du’aa’s for the purpose of seeking healing]. You can recite ruqyah over yourself, or ask a righteous person to do this for you.
- If things do not change, we advise you to have patience, to fear Allaah and do your duty towards Him, and to persist in making du’aa’; Allaah will make a way out for you.
- If this goes on for a long time and causes difficulties for your wife, there may be no option other than separation (divorce), and Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His bounty (cf. Al-Nisaa’ 4:130)
- You have to have faith in Allaah and be optimistic. As time goes by, things may change.
We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and to help you soon. And Allaah is the source of strength.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid