We are amazed that you can be happy, despite what you mention about having a lot of arguments and even hitting sometimes. Whatever the case, we ask Allaah to increase your happiness.
There can be no doubt that a woman’s hitting her husband is a sign of a serious problem in this household and that it is not fit to raise children. How can the father raise his children when they see him being hit by their mother?!
Whatever the case, if you want to set things straight in your household and your want your wife to be set straight, then you must find out the reason why your wife has resorted to violence, and you must deal with it.
Specialists have mentioned several reasons why a wife might become violent. These include:
1. Her violence is a reaction to her husband’s violence. This is not the case – according to what you mention in your question – in your situation, because you say that you do not hit her.
2. Your wife’s violence may be because of having had a bad childhood, and what she may have been exposed to of violence from her parents or one of them, or from one of her siblings.
3. The wife’s violence may be due to her husband’s weak character. Her husband may not be working, and she may be the one who is working and taking responsibility for the household, and her dominant personality may lead her to aggression against his weak character.
4. The woman’s violence may be due to the effect of what she reads, watches or ingests. She may be influenced by dominant women or read stories about them, or the devils among women may be whispering to her that this is the right way to check the husband, or she may be under the influence of drugs and intoxicants.
If you know the reason ,then you must deal with it wisely and gently, and remind her of the greatness of the rights that you have over her, and her duties towards you. Remind her of the punishment for transgressing against you in word and deed, and alert her to the fact that her actions will play a part in your failure to raise your children properly, and that her character may be reflected in some of her daughters.
What the couple must do is treat one another kindly, and not wrong one another or deny one another’s rights. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228].
If some differences arise between them, then these differences should be dealt with in an atmosphere of love, understanding, respect and tolerance, so that their married life will be as Allaah wants it to be: “and He has put between you affection and mercy” [al-Room 30:21].
We ask Allaah to reconcile between you.
And Allaah knows best.