854: What should a Muslim do when he wants to consummate his marriage?


assalamuvalakum
I am a 21yr old young man and inshallah next year getting married.
My question is that, i need to know the way a marriage is set to be planned, i mean how is the nikah supposed to be performed, how many people can i invite is there a limit, can i have music, dancing during my wedding or during reception or valima. Also i need to know is that, whose responsibility is it to conduct the nikah and valima, is it the brides, or the bride grooms.
I need to know this answer a.s.a.p. so i could inform my family and inshallah i will implement it in my life, so Allah
will bless me and my marriage.
My family is from XXX and so show alot of custom.

Praise be to Allaah.

When a Muslim wants to consummate his marriage, a number of things are recommended in the sunnah:

He should treat his bride kindly and gently, like offering her something to drink and so on, because of the hadeeth narrated by Asmaa’ bint Yazeed ibn al-Sakan, who said: “I prepared ‘Aa’ishah as a bride when she married the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). I came to him and invited him to see her (uncover her face). So he came and sat beside her, and a large cup of milk was brought to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) drank some, then offered it to her, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I rebuked her and said: ‘Take it from the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’ So she took it and drank a little, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her, ‘Give some to your companion (meaning himself).’” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad and deemed saheeh by al-Albaani)

He should place his hand on his bride’s head and pray for her, saying “Bismillaah” and asking for barakah (blessing), saying the words reported in the hadeeth narrated by ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When one of you marries a woman or buys a servant, let him say: ‘Allaahumma inni as’aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi wa a’oodhu bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi (O Allaah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil which You have created in her).’” Abu Dawud said that Abu Sa’eed added: “Then let him take hold of her forelock and pray for blessing from this woman or servant.” (Reported by Abu Dawud in al-Sunan, Kitaab al-Nikaah, Baab fi jaami’ al-nikaah; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 341)

He should pray two rak’ahs with her, leading her in prayer, because this is reported as being the practice of the salaf (early generations). There are two reports concerning this. (i) from Abu Sa’eed, the freed slave of Abu Usayd, which states that a group of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught him and told him: “When your wife comes in to you, pray two rak’ahs and ask Allaah for the goodness of what has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from its evil.” (ii) from Shaqeeq, who said: “A man called Abu Hareez came and said (to ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood, may Allaah be pleased with him): ‘I have married a young virgin girl, but I am afraid that she may hate me.’ ‘Abdullaah said: ‘Love comes from Allaah and hatred comes from Shaytaan, who wants to make you hate what Allaah has made permissible. When she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak’ahs behind you.’” (These two reports were narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah; see Aadaab al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani).

When he wants to consummate the marriage, he should say the words reported in the hadeeth reported by Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him and his father) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “When one of you wants to approach (have intercourse with) his wife, if he says: ‘Bismillahi Allaahumma jannibna al-Shaytaan wa jannib al-Shaytaan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah, protect us from Shaytaan and protect whatever You give to us from Shaytaan)’ – then if they are given a child, Shaytaan will not harm it.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath, no. 3271)

(For more information, see Aadaab al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani, p. 91)

There is no limit to the number of guests one can invite to a wedding feast (waleema), so invite whoever you wish of your relatives, the bride’s relatives, your friends and anyone you have a good reason to invite.

It is not permitted in Islam to do anything that is haraam such as having music, letting men and women mix, or letting women dance in front of men, or other things that earn the wrath of Allaah. How can the blessing of Allaah be exchanged for disobedience and immorality? At weddings, women can do whatever is allowed in Islam, such as singing acceptable songs with good words or entertaining themselves by playing the daff (a certain kind of drum, resembling a tambourine without the rattles) only, so long as no men are present.

Providing the wedding feast (waleema) is the husband’s responsibility. The sunnah is to slaughter one sheep or more for the guests, if he is able to, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, “Give a wedding feast, even if it is only one sheep.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 2048).

We ask Allaah to bless you and your bride and to grant you a happy marriage.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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