Allaah has created desire in man and He has commanded His slaves to use this energy in the proper manner, which is marriage for those who can afford it, in order to attain worldly interests such as building families, strengthening society and populating the earth according to the laws of Allaah. Moreover one of the ways which Allaah has created in His slaves as an outlet for this energy is wet dreams. It is a means of expending sexual energy for both sexes. A person plays no role in that, rather it happens as a result of human nature and a person will not be held to blame for that. The evidence for that is as follows:
1 – It was narrated from ‘Ali that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Pen has been lifted from three: from the one who is sleeping until he wakes up, from the child until he reaches the age of puberty, and from one who is insane until he comes to his senses.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1343; Ibn Maajah, 3032; al-Nasaa’i, 3378)
A similar hadeeth was also narrated from ‘Aa’ishah in the four books of Sunan apart from al-Tirmidhi.
This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, and by al-Nawawi in Sharh Muslim, 8/14
A person who is sleeping does not know what he is doing, so he is one of those from whom the Pen is lifted (i.e., his deeds are not recorded). Wet dreams happen when a person is asleep, so they are among the things that are forgiven.
2 – Allaah has in fact made wet dreams [al-hilm] one of the signs of puberty. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And when the children among you come to puberty [al-hilm]…”
If wet dreams were haraam, Allaah would not have made that a sign of puberty.
3 – It was narrated from Zaynab the daughter of Umm Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Allaah is not too shy to tell us the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Yes, if she sees water (a discharge).’ Umm Salamah covered her face and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, can a woman have an erotic dream?’ He said, ‘Yes, may your hands be rubbed with dust. How else would her child resemble her?’”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 130; Muslim, 313)
4 – It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked about a man who notices some wetness but does not remember having a wet dream. He said, “He should do ghusl.” He was asked about a man who thinks that he had an erotic dream but does not see any wetness. He said, “He does not have to do ghusl.” Umm Salamah said, “O Messenger of Allaah, does a woman have to do ghusl if she sees something like that?” He said, “Yes, women are the twin halves of men.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 113; Abu Dawood, 236)
Ibn Qattaan said: its isnaad via ‘Aa’ishah is da’eef (weak) but its isnaad via Anas is saheeh (sound).
Kashf al-Khafa’, 1/ 248
Wet dreams are something natural, and they cannot be gotten rid of. The matter is not as embarrassing as you imagined.
And Allaah knows best.