Sat 19 Jm2 1435 - 19 April 2014
96735

She rejected his proposal; should he try again?

After putting my trust in Allaah and seeking His help and praying istkhaarah, I proposed marriage to a girl but was refused because this girl is studying. Please note that I am attracted to her and I am always thinking of her. I felt more attracted to her after praying istikhaarah, because I felt at peace. My mother says that we will try to approach her again, but I am hesitant because I feel that proposing to her again will be embarrassing for my family. Should I propose to her or not? I hope that you – after Allaah – can help me find a solution.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the girl is religiously-committed and of good character, there is nothing wrong with trying again. If that can be done via some intermediaries, that is better, so as to avoid embarrassment to your family. But in fact we do not advise you to do that at present. If her studies are going to end soon and you can wait for that amount of time, then the intermediary can explain that, unless there is some other reason for the refusal which they did not explain. 

Whatever the case, you should delegate the matter to Allaah, for no one knows what is good for him. Stop thinking and feeling attracted to her, and ask Allaah to show you what is good wherever it is. Open your mind to accepting both possibilities. If they agree, then hope that this is good and will help you in obeying Allaah, and if they refuse, then perhaps Allaah has diverted from you or from her something that would not be good, and has prepared for both of you that which is better for you. 

“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”

[al-Baqarah 2:216] 

The believer has enough concerns, aims and deeds that should divert him from feeling attached to a girl, no matter who she is. We ask Allaah to distract us and you with acts of obedience to Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

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