100949: She wants to stay overnight with her family and her husband wants her to stay with his family
I live abroad with my husband. We have one month holiday every year, we spend it with our families. He asks me to spend this month in his family’s home, while go to my family just to visit. I want to go to my family’s home daily and sleep there; as it is only one month. What shall I do if I insist on this but my husband refuses?.
We advise you to do what your husband is asking, because that is good for several reasons:
- By obeying your husband you are obeying the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and there is great reward with Allaah for that. The reward for a wife obeying her husband is hardly equalled by the reward for any other deed.
It was narrated from ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will said to her: Enter Paradise through which ever of the gates of Paradise you wish.”
Narrated by Ahmad (1/191), classed as hasan by al-Sakhaawi in al-Buldaaniyaat (161) and by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1932).
It was narrated from al-Husayn ibn Mihsan that a paternal aunt of his came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask about some need. When he had finished talking to her, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: “Do you have a husband?” She said: “Yes.” He said: “How are you with him?” She said: “I do not fall short in giving him his rights, except that which I am not able to do.” He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell.”
Narrated by Ahmad (4/341). Al-Mundhiri said in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (3/97): Its isnaad is jayyid. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1933).
- By obeying your husband in this matter, you will avoid conflicts and arguments that may arise from your disobeying your husband.
- We would also remind you that the righteous wife is the one who does not separate from her husband and is keen to serve him and take care of him and strives to make him happy.
- Remember that by obeying him in this matter, you will be preserving happiness between you, and strengthening the bond of love, but if you go against him you will be opening the way for the shaytaan and stirring up conflict and disputes. Even if its effects are not seen straight away, the effects of going against his wishes will inevitably make themselves felt soon, especially if the conflict and arguments accumulate.
You can work out this matter with your husband in a calm manner, such as if you stay with his family for half of the time and with your family for the other half, or you go to them for a certain number of days.
What the husband should do is be kind to his family and not put pressure on them and not be harsh, because the wife is one of the people who are most deserving of kind and gentle treatment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3895); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
We ask Allaah to guide you aright.
And Allaah knows best.