104078: The danger of admiration between members of the same sex, the remedy, and how the one who is admired should react
When a person admires your personality and becomes attracted to you, and then for this admiration to pass the limits (like when a girl likes another girl) how should one react to this?
How to treat this person without causing haram for him/her or yourself? Bear in mind that it is sometimes difficult to control oneself in such a trial. What do you advise a person who is like this (in terms of this life and the hereafter)?
May Allah reward you! This matter is very important, may Allah bless you with paradise.
The natural inclination is for a man to be attracted to a woman, and for a woman to be attracted to a man. As for a person being attracted to another member of his or her own sex, this is contrary to the sound human nature that Allaah has instilled in people, and it does not exist even among animals. In addition to being contrary to sound human nature, it is at a lower level than that of animals.
Islam has refined this natural inclination and has set out limits for it, namely marriage. The one who does not agree with these shar’i limits would choose the immoral action of zina. As for deviant relationships in which a girl is attracted to another girl or a man to another man, this is a perversion and a deviation from correct, sound human nature. These sinful relationships lead to something that is even more abhorrent than zina, namely homosexuality between males, and improper relationships between women lead to lesbianism, which is another kind of deviance.
Sinful relationships between members of both sexes begin with what is called admiration or infatuation. This is a serious disease which is widespread in all societies as the result of a spiritual vacuum and lack of knowledge and as the result of imitating kaafir societies which have gone against human nature. This infatuation leads to love, in which the girl cannot bear not to see the one whom she loves; if she is not able to do that, then she will listen to her voice or look at a picture of her. Then that sinful relationship leads to lesbianism, which is haraam. These deviant women do not see in a man what they see in the woman they admire of fulfilling desire and filling the heart with love. You can say the same thing about sinful relationships between males. The love between them leads to infatuation in the heart, as if there were no one else in the world but him, and if the beloved were to ask his lover to prostrate to him, he would do it! We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. This sinful relationship ultimately leads to the abhorrent immoral action of homosexuality, and among those perverts you see no attraction towards a woman, even if she were the most beautiful of women.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
What is the ruling on lesbianism and masturbation?
Lesbianism among women is haraam, and is a major sin, because it is an action that is contrary to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)
6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame;
7. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors”
Similarly masturbation is haraam, because of these same verses, and because it causes a great deal of harm.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (22/68).
The person who realizes that there is someone close to him who admires him or is infatuated with him should hasten to deal with the matter wisely. Wisdom does not mean being heedless with regard to looking, visiting and touching, because these are things that may make his sickness worse, and make the pain worse. Rather wisdom means offering a suitable remedy in a suitable manner, which includes the following:
Strengthening his faith, by encouraging him to do acts of worship and avoid evil deeds.
Instilling the love of Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in his heart.
Teaching him the meaning of love for the sake of Allaah, the basis of which is that the person who is loved for the sake of Allaah is loved for his faith and acts of obedience, not for his appearance, image or status.
Not giving him the opportunity to make contact repeatedly or to visit frequently; explaining to him that if a legitimate relationship transgresses the limits it becomes haraam and must be stopped.
When meeting, not allowing him to look continuously, embrace or kiss.
Giving him academic or da’wah-related tasks to do, such as collecting evidence on a certain issue, or summarizing a book, or listening to tapes, or doing da’wah-related activities such as calling people to Islam, distributing pamphlets and tapes, and other things which will fill his time with beneficial acts of worship and permissible activities.
If a Muslim feels that he is attracted to someone and fears that this may be one of the tricks of the shaytaan, then he should hasten to rid himself of it, and to treat himself, before it develops further and becomes haraam love . If he wants to rid himself of that, he should do several things, including the following:
He should focus his heart on his Lord, for He is the Bestower of blessings and bounty Who has granted him immense blessings, so he should direct the love of his heart towards his Creator.
He should cut off ties with everyone who he feels he is developing an (inappropriate) attachment towards, so he should not continue to listen to his voice or look at his image; he should try to avoid meeting him, even if the focus of his love is a teacher, educator or relative. This is the best remedy that he can give himself.
He should continually read about the lives of righteous people, scholars and mujaahideen, so that he can learn from those who offered their time and their lives in the service of Islam and the Muslims whilst he is preoccupied with looking at the image of his beloved or enjoying listening to his voice, or reading his words. These are things that are it is not befitting for a Muslim to do even once, so how about if this is his whole life?!
He should also ponder the grave and serious effects of these two destructive diseases, namely haraam infatuation and love. The harm that they cause includes the following:
(i) Diverting a person from his Lord and Creator to focus on a weak creature who may harm him but cannot benefit him
(ii) Creating worry, anxiety, grief, confusion and depression in this world, and torment in the Hereafter
(iii) Imagining kinds of haraam actions with the object of his love and infatuation, such as looking, touching and kissing with desire. That may even lead a woman to lesbianism and a man to homosexuality to bring these images out of the realm of imagination and into the realm of reality.
(iv) Contamination of sound human nature (fitnah) with a weakening of natural sexual desire, which will lead to spoiling of a woman’s relationship with her husband and her desire for the haraam things that she has become used to; similar effects may also apply to men.
Relationships between Muslims should be based on sharee’ah and taqwa (piety). The one who comes together with another person on the basis of sin in this world will find their relationship turned into one of enmity on the Day of Resurrection.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al‑Muttaqoon (the pious”
Imam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Allaah says: Those who were friends on the basis of disobedience towards Allaah in this world will be enemies of one another, disavowing one another, except for those who were friends on the basis of fearing and obeying Allaah.
Tafseer al-Tabari (21/637).
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., every friendship that was not for the sake of Allaah, on the Day of Resurrection will be turned into enmity, except that which was for the sake of Allaah, for that will last because it is connected to the One Who is eternal.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (7/237).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If friendship and love are based on something other than the best interests of both parties, then the consequences will be enmity. It can only be in their best interests if it is for the sake of Allaah.
Even though each one of them may be helping the other to achieve what he wants on the basis of mutual consent, this mutual consent counts for nothing, rather it will become mutual hatred, enmity and curses, and each of them will say to the other: Were it not for you I would not have done that on my own, so my doom is because of me and you.
And the Lord will not prevent them from hating and cursing one another, but if one of them wronged the other, he will be prevented from doing that, and each of them will say to the other: It was for your own purposes that you caused me to fall into this; like two who committed zina will say to one another: It was for your own purposes that you did this with me; if you had refrained I would not have been involved in it. But each of them damaged the other equally.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/129)
The gate of repentance is open to everyone who wants to seek His Countenance, and the blessings of faith and obedience are available to everyone who wants to join His friends. Allaah forgives sins and accepts repentance, and He turns bad deeds into good. He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”
For more information, please see the answers to questions no. 10050, which explains why Islam forbids lesbianism and homosexuality; 21058 which explains the punishment for lesbianism; 60351 and 36837, which have to do with the phenomenon of schoolgirls kissing one another every day and kissing on the lips; and 591 which explains the ruling on one woman loving another to the extent that they cannot bear to be apart.
And Allaah knows best.