12403: Advice to one who wants to get married but is not able for it
In the mosque we had a program where the Muslim youth could discuss with those who are older the ahaadeeth of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning marriage, and the fact that they should make it easy for the youth to get married. This subject led to a number of discussions, because the parents are concerned about the situation and welfare of the couple, especially if they have children.
Young people nowadays do not complete their university studies until the age of 21, or 23 for those who study medicine. They cannot afford the expenses of marriage. So what practical advice can you give them? Many of the Muslim youth in the west want to complete half of their religion.
Discussing Islamic matters and spending time on that is one of the most beneficial things that a person can do for himself, because seeking knowledge is an obligation and an act of worship, and he is spending time in doing something that is of benefit to him and to others. If the people who are discussing do not understand something, then they have to ask people who have knowledge.
Our advice to those who live in the lands of immorality and kufr is to migrate from them to the Muslim lands where the temptations of this world and of women are less. The Muslim countries are not equal in that regard, so he has to choose the best of them.
We advise them to leave every environment in which he may stumble and fall, whether that is his accommodation, his work or his school/college.
We advise them to hasten to marry, and to choose righteous wives who do not make extravagant demands with regard to the mahr, etc.
We advise those who are unable to get married to fear Allaah and not to look at or listen to haraam things, not to walk towards haraam things, not to touch that which it is not permissible for him to touch. They should help themselves in this regard by fasting and praying, making du’aa’, and keeping company with righteous people. They should keep themselves busy with beneficial things such as seeking knowledge, memorizing Qur’aan and making du’aa’ to Allaah, for if a person keeps busy in obeying Allaah, that will distract him from disobeying Him.
Our advise to community leaders and parents and guardians of boys and girls is not to regard completion of studies as an impediment to marriage. Since when is marriage an obstacle to acquiring knowledge?! Rather reality and experience point to the opposite, because marriage helps a person to focus and makes his mind clear, and above all that it is obedience to the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the youth to get married.
So parents and guardians should not burden the youth with excessive demands that may be regarded as a form of extravagance. They should limit the demands to that which the woman and the house need only. They should understand that marriage is one of the means by which provision is sought. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)”
And Allaah knows best.