We found out that he drinks beer and alcohol and does Zinaah. He didn't even care about us. He brought women even in our presence. We tried to stop him but he would abuse us verbally and even beat us. He even accuses my mother of doing haram things and disowns his own son from his fatherhood. He does this just because my brother refused to give him his paycheck. He never persuaded us to perform Salat and fast during Ramadan, and neither he did it himself. Instead he asked me to drink beer and I drank beer a couple of times.
I'm married now Alahumdulillah. I and my husband do our Salat regularly and I fast to compensate for the days I didn't fast during Ramadan. I always repent to Allah to forgive me for the bad things I did intentionally and unintentionally. My husband has been helping me with all this.
His behaviour with my younger sister got worst after I moved to another city after getting married. He asked her to drink beer with him and his girl friend but she harshly refused. She had to lock door to sleep. She didn' t trust him at all. So I asked her to live with us as she didn t have any other place to go (My mother lives in another country).
I' ve questions in this regards.
1. My husband says that he will never let him visit us or us visit him until he gives all his haram habits and truly repent to ALLAH. Is this right ?
2. What should we do to make him give up all his bad habits?
3. I know it's not right for my sister to live with us but what is the ruling in this situation ?
Praise be to Allaah.
If the situation is as you describe, then what can we say about the immense disaster of a father who does not pray or fast, who drinks intoxicants and commits immoral acts, who neglects his family and calls them to do evil deeds? Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah; hasbunaa Allaah wa ni’am al-wakeel; innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon (There is no strength and no power except with Allaah; sufficient unto us is Allaah and He is the best Disposer of affairs; verily we belong to Allaah and unto Him we will return). [These are du’aa’s recited by Muslims when faced with calamity – Translator] Does he not know that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded.”[al-Tahreem 66:6]
Does he not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There is no person to whom Allaah has given responsibility and dies neglecting that responsibility, but Allaah will deny him Paradise.” (Reported by Muslim, 203)
“Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for his flock (those under his care)… a man is the shepherd over the members of his household and he is responsible for them…”
“Allaah will ask every ‘shepherd’ about that for which he was responsible.’ (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1627).
“There is no person to whom Allaah has given responsibility over others and he failed to take care of them by advising them sincerely, but he will never smell the fragrance of Paradise.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6617).
We ask Allaah to bring this man back to the truth.
Know that even though your father has caused you so much suffering, it is not permissible for you to sever your ties with him, in spite of all that you have mentioned. You must keep in touch with him and treat him kindly. You and your siblings should treat him kindly and express your fears for him and your love for him, because of his rights as a father, and because severing ties with him and ignoring him in a hostile manner will only make matters worse. Neither you nor your siblings should obey him in sin. You mention in your message that your father used to treat you well when you gave him money, so if giving him money will put an end to his bad treatment and make things go back to normal, so that you will treat one another well and he will see love and sacrifice on your part, then why not do that? This is provided that he does not use this money to buy haraam things. Try to restrain your anger and forget his past shortcomings in his behaviour towards you. Try to honour him and show love towards him. Visit him and look after him. Maybe this will stir up true fatherly feelings in him, and maybe stop him from doing haraam things. Don’t even think of severing ties with him. Get in touch with your brother and ask him to get back in touch with his father. Know that your being patient with him is a kind of jihaad, which will be rewarded. The idea of not visiting him until he repents is not right, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” [Luqmaan 31:15]
Visit him, so long as it does not cause you unbearable harm or make you do wrongful things. Know that one of the ways to make a sinner repent is having someone who will call him to repent and remind him of Allaah. A child has to treat his parents honourably even if they are mushrikeen. Al-Qurtubi said:
“The aayah indicates that one should honour kaafir parents as much as possible by spending on them if they are poor, by speaking kindly to them, and by calling them to Islam.”
With regard to your sister, she must be careful when she stays with her immoral father. Locking herself in is a good safety measure and may well be essential at times. If she does not feel safe in the home of this immoral father, she should go and live somewhere else where she can be safe, such as in your house, if it is suitable. Maybe Allaah will give her a righteous husband who will take care of her and protect her.
We ask Allaah to guide your father and to bring him out of darkness into light. May He forgive you for your sin and help your sister and all of us to adhere steadfastly to the truth. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid