99783: Her husband divorced her twice and she has got to know a young man via the internet who wants to marry her
I am 19 years old girl. I got married 4/8/2006. My husband divorced me twice two months ago, slandered my mother and hit me in front of my brothers. Now he is regretful and wants me back, knowing that I am still his wife in the law point of view.
I knew a man through the internet. He is a believing Muslim. We talk only about Islamic issues. After I told him my story he felt for me, one week later he asked if it is possible to propose to me in accordance with Islamic Sharia. What should I do, knowing that this man is really decent; he never said anything that disturbed me morally. Is what I am doing haram? I seek your help as I cannot tell this to anyone. Please help me because I am just 19 years old, I live in France and very few who can help me here. Thank you!.
If the husband says to his wife: You are divorced twice, then one divorce (talaaq) takes place.
If this is the first divorce, and only two months have passed, and your ‘iddah has not ended, then you still come under the heading of a wife, and it is his right to take you back, and it is not permissible for you to refuse that, rather your acceptance is not essential to his taking you back.
But if the ‘iddah has ended, then he cannot take you back unless you agree and there is a new marriage contract with a new mahr.
The ‘iddah of a woman who menstruates is three menstrual cycles. When she becomes pure after the third cycle and does ghusl, then her ‘iddah is over.
The ‘iddah of a woman who does not menstruate because she is very young or has passed menopause is three months.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allaah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”
“And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the ‘Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of death]”
During the ‘iddah of a revocable divorce, it is not permissible for anyone to propose marriage, whether directly or indirectly, because she is still regarded as a wife. When her ‘iddah ends, it becomes permissible to propose marriage to her, directly.
Based on that, if your ‘iddah has not ended, then this request from the person whom you have come to know via the internet is haraam.
Talking to men on the internet via private programs or conversations, has bad effects and obvious negative consequences, and it is usually accompanied by various types of haraam things. If the conversation is about marriage and related matters, then it is even worse. It rarely leads to successful marriages.
Hence we advise you to end the relationship with this young man, and repent to Allaah from talking to him about marriage, if that was during your ‘iddah.
You have to go back to your husband, if he asks you do so during the 'iddah. If you have a problem after that because of living with him, then you can ask for a divorce in order to remove that harm.
Fear Allaah and remember that He is always watching and there is nothing that is hidden from Him. Do not wrong yourself and do not spoil your husband’s reputation or his honour by carelessly forming relationships with other men. You will never get anything from that but more worry and distress, and that will put you off your husband and make you feel attached to some other man, and it deprive you of happiness, security and peace of mind, because there is no happiness, security or peace of mind except in obeying Allaah.
The fact that you asked us about this indicates that there is goodness in you, and keenness to obey Allaah and fear of disobeying Him. Hence we reiterate our advice and remind you of your husband’s rights, and we ask Allaah to set your affairs straight, and relieve your distress, and make good easy for you wherever it may be.
And Allaah knows best.