38013: Her husband cannot have intercourse with her because of the pain she feels. What is the solution?
I apologize for this question,but I feel really bad. I am a muslim sister and married for 2 months now. The problem is this: I love my husband very much but every time when we have intercourse he can't put his penis in my vagina. It hurts so much for me. I know this is called frigidity. I had a bad youth, an uncle touched me when I was young and I know I cant have intercourse with my husband because my uncle did this to me. My husband is very patience with me and very sweet,but he don't know what to do either. Can you please help me?.
The husband has to be gentle with his wife if intercourse is painful for her or causes her psychological difficulty. He has to be patient with her until she recovers from her problem or gets used to him and feels at ease with him, and she herself wants it as much as he does.
Ibn Hazm said:
Slaves and free women are obliged not to prevent their masters or husbands having intercourse with them when they call them, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and will not be harmed by having intercourse, or is observing an obligatory fast.
This matter is undoubtedly difficult, especially for one who is recently married, but it is better than causing problems that will wreck married life. The sister mentions that she loves her husband; he should take note of that and use it to fulfil his desires in a permissible manner.
We advise the husband to read the answer to question no. 5560, which explains the matter further.
The wife should also try to treat herself, physically and mentally. She should not give in to the psychological pain or be a prisoner of the past. Her husband is not her evil uncle who abused her when she was small. Now she is a grown up and she is with her husband, and they are permissible for one another.
With regard to the physical pain, this is something natural when one is first married. This pain will soon go away, in sha Allah. All it needs is a little patience.
You should both make a lot of du’aa’ and strive to follow the commands of Allaah by regularly performing the obligatory duties, observing the commands of Allaah on time and adhering to what He enjoins with regard to dress etc. All of that may be a means of Allaah hastening to relieve you and remove whatever psychological and other barriers may be present.
And Allaah knows best.