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My father passed away recently whilst on Hajj.
In my tradition people come to pay condolences By saying sorry to her about your loss etc after which they ask everyone present to raise their hands and say Fatihah and maybe darud also.
From my knowledge I have heard that this may be a Bi`ah, and I took the general rule that whatever is in life is permissible unless it has been made prohibited and whatever is in the religion is prohibited unless it's been made permissible. Thus not knowing what one is supposed to do i tried my best to stay away from doing anything which i had no knowledge of ering the body and putting the soil
4 can one place a mark or name on a rock etc at the grave
5 And after completion of putting the soil what Du`a if any should one say (because even in jannat al mualla ,after we had buried my father the workers at the graveyard had one worker making Du`a with raised hands and the others saying amin, is this allowed?)
6 I also noticed whenever one visited a relative's grave an worker would ask which grave it was and would put a bucket of water on that grave. Is this allowed?
Praise be to Allah.
It is obligatory to carry the deceased and follow the funeral. This is one of the rights that the dead Muslim has over the Muslims, which will bring great reward and virtue to the one who does it.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever attends the funeral from the house (of the deceased) [according to one report: whoever follows the funeral of a Muslim out of faith and the hope of reward] until the funeral prayer is offered will have one Qirat, and whoever attends the funeral until the deceased is buried will have two Qirats.” He was asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what are the two Qirats?” He said, “Like two huge mountains.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Al-Jana’iz, 1240).
It is not permitted to follow funerals in manners that go against the Shari`ah. That includes:
Muslims should not be buried with the disbelievers, nor the disbelievers with Muslims. The Muslim should be buried in the Muslim graveyard.
The Sunnah is to put the deceased into the grave from the end, then he should be turned onto his right side in the grave, with his face directed towards the Qiblah . The one who puts him into the Lahd should say, “Bismillahi wa ‘ala sunnat Rasul-Allahi or ‘ala millat Rasul-Allahi (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) (In the name of Allah and according to the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah or according to the religion of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)).” (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, Al-Jana’iz 967; classed as authentic by Al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Abu Dawud, 836)
It is recommended for those who are at the grave to throw handfuls of earth, three handfuls scooped up in both hands, after the Lahd has been sealed.
After the burial is complete, there are several things which are Sunnah:
It is prescribed in Islam to offer condolences to the family of the deceased. This should take the form of whatever is thought will bring them consolation, stem their grief and help them to be patient.
Condolences should be offered in the manner reported from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) if one can remember that, otherwise use good words that come naturally which achieve the same purpose and align with Islamic principles.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “To Allah belongs that which He has taken and that which He gives, and with Him everything has an appointed end, so be patient and seek reward.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Al-Jana’iz, 1204)
Two things must be avoided:
The Sunnah is for the relatives and neighbours of the deceased to make food enough for the bereaved family.
References:
And Allah knows best.