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200216: How can she rid herself of lesbian desires?


I have a question my friend is a lesbian and has been all her life she tried to change wear girl clothes got engaed to a guy whod didnt knwo she was one but the engamgent broke off becuisae she coudnt do it felt sick aorund him etc she did really try.
She does not want to be alone and does not want to sin for the rest of her life what can she do?
have a marrige of convience atleast then with a gay guy they wont have no pressure but can try and make it work then no one has decieved anyone?

Published Date: 2014-08-18

Praise be to Allah.

The advice we can give to this girl is that haraam desires and addiction to immoral practices must be confronted with all decisive measures, which may be bitter and difficult, but they offer protection against that which is worse and more evil, and they guard against doom in this world and the hereafter. In order to achieve that, it is not sufficient to take some measures that are doomed to failure. Any attempt that does not begin by cutting off the causes of temptation from the root does not deserve to be called an attempt and it does not give an excuse to carry on with that sin. 

Therefore – if that girl is really sincere in her wish to deal with the problem – we state here that the first remedy is to shun the other girls with whom she is engaging in the sin of lesbianism, and to keep far away from the places where they live, and to cut off all means of communication with them and erasing all contact information, such as emails, phone numbers and the like in such a way that it will not be possible to retrieve them after that. She will feel some pain and psychological distress because of what she is going to give up the bad habits of the past. But she must be patient, put up with it and persist in making progress with this remedy, and she should try to keep herself busy with permissible beneficial actions that will take up her time, or with study and seeking knowledge, or training in professional skills that are appropriate to her age and gender. Expert psychologists confirm that six months after giving up the sin is sufficient to forget it and be able to move on, and to protect oneself against easily going back to it. 

Islamic scholars prefer this kind of remedy, which involves cutting off ties, as we see in the hadeeth of Abu Sa‘eed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which the Prophet of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Among those who came before you there was a man who killed ninety-nine people, then he asked who the most knowledgeable man on earth was, and he was directed to a monk. He went to him and told him that he had killed ninety-nine people; could he repent? The monk said no, so he killed him, thus completing one hundred. Then he asked who the most knowledgeable man on earth was, and he was directed to a man of knowledge and said that he had killed one hundred people; could he repent? He said: Yes, who could stand between him and repentance? Go to such and such a land, for therein there are people who worship Allah, so go and worship Allah with them, and do not go back to your own land for it is a bad land. So he set out, then when he was halfway there, death came upon him. The angels of mercy and the angels of torment disputed over him. The angels of mercy said: he came repenting and turning wholeheartedly towards Allah. The angels of torment said: He never did anything good. Then an angel in the form of a man came to them and they appointed him (to decide) between them. He said: Measure the distance between the two lands, and whichever is closer, that is where he belongs. So they measured it and they found that he was closer to the land that he was heading for, so the angels of mercy took him.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3470) and Muslim (2766) 

Imam an-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

The scholars said: This indicates that it is recommended for the one who has repented to leave the places where he committed sins and the friends who helped him to do that; he should cut off ties with them so long as they are still sinning, and instead keep company with good and righteous people, knowledgeable people and pious worshippers, whose example he can follow and he can benefit from mixing with them and consolidate his repentance.

End quote from Sharh Saheeh Muslim (17/83) 

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

This highlights the virtue of moving from the land in which a person committed sin, because it is most likely that habit will overtake him in such a place, either because he will be reminded of the things that he did in the past and be tempted to do them again, or because of the presence of those who used to help him and encourage him to commit those actions. Hence the last person said to him (the repentant sinner mentioned in the hadith): “and do not go back to your own land for it is a bad land.” This indicates that the one who repents should leave the situations and places that he used to frequent at the time when he used to sin; he should leave all of them and focus on other things.

End quote from Fath al-Baari (6/517) 

This is the remedy indicated by the Holy Qur’an before the prescribed hadd punishments were ordained, in order to rid society of the effects of sexual immorality, as in the verse in which Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those of your women who commit illegal sexual intercourse, take the evidence of four witnesses from amongst you against them; and if they testify, confine them (i.e. women) to houses until death comes to them or Allah ordains for them some (other) way”

[an-Nisa’ 4:15]

We have previously mentioned some of the means that may help one to give up this sin. Please see fatwas no. 101169 and 104078 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

The remedy to the problem of emotional attachment and falling in love may be discussed from two angles: 

1.     Prevention before it happens

2.     Eradication after it happens 

Both are easy for the one for whom Allah makes it easy, and are difficult for the one whom Allah does not help, for Allah is in control of all things. 

As for the means that will prevent this problem from happening in the first place, there are two things: lowering the gaze and focusing on that which will prevent one from falling into such things.

End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (178-181) 

With regard to what this girl is asking about, namely the ruling on her marrying a gay man so that after that she will be able to continue lesbian practices without anyone watching her or criticising her, that would lead to her doom and being prevent her from taking steps to repent, because by doing that she is planning to continue in her sin and make it easy to do so, and even to look for new partners. This means that she will be able to get to know gay men and marry one of them after agreeing on each spouse having the freedom to engage in perverse practices. But Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, is watching them and giving them more time to repent, whilst they are indulging in sin. It is as if they have never read the words of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, (interpretation of the meaning):

“This is because they defied and disobeyed Allah and His Messenger. And whoever defies and disobeys Allah and His Messenger, then verily, Allah is Severe in punishment”

[al-Anfaal 8:13]

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such person as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful

71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allah with true repentance”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

Our message to this girl is that she should fear Allah, may He be exalted, with regard to her own self, and her religion and community, and indeed all of humanity, lest she be a cause of people being led into this perversion and deviating from sound human nature. She should constantly bear death and the grave in mind, when she will be alone beneath the soil for ever, and there she will have nothing to comfort her but her righteous deeds. As for perverse desire, it will be a cause of loneliness, darkness and punishment. 

It was narrated that Abu Hamzah said: I said to Muhammad ibn ‘Ali ibn al-Hanafiyyah: Did Allah punish the women of Loot’s people for the deeds of their men? 

He replied: Allah is too just to do such a thing; the men were content with men and the women with women. 

Hudhayfah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Punishment became due for the people of Loot when the women were content with women and the men with men. 

Both reports were narrated by Ibn Abi’d-Dunya in Dhamm al-Malaahi (no. 145, 149) 

In fact this woman is weak and poor, and in need of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. So advise her not to hesitate to raise her hands in supplication and ask Allah, may He be glorified, to help her to obey Him and to refrain from sin, to forgive her for what has happened in the past and to protect her in the future. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse etc.) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; - and none can forgive sins but Allah - And do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.

For such, the reward is Forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Paradise), wherein they shall abide forever. How excellent is this reward for the doers (who do righteous deeds according to Allahs Orders).

Many similar ways (and mishaps of life) were faced by nations (believers and disbelievers) that have passed away before you (as you have faced in the battle of Uhud), so travel through the earth, and see what was the end of those who disbelieved (in the Oneness of Allah, and disobeyed Him and His Messengers)”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:135-136]

Let her try again, when she repents sincerely and starts to implement the correct remedy, to get married in the permissible manner, and let her ask her Lord to bestow upon her guidance, piety, chastity and independence of means, and to help her find in that which He has permitted that which will leave her in no need of that which He has prohibited. 

And Allah knows best.

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