I have a brother in law who is always at my house on the phone with my husband or pulling my husband to go out with him he can't seem to do anything without him, its gotten to the point where I cant stand to see him anymore. I feel he puts thoughts into my husbands head and he takes him away from his responsibilities to me and our three sons we have an active life with the three boys and I always get the short end I love to do things for them all but sometimes I'd like my husband to be with us but usually this means his brother will tag along or he'll constantly call untill he reaches us. I've had major fights with my husband because he thinks its ok to say no to me because I will understand and forgive him but his brother will pout for a long time. I think he should be more committed to us and not his brother if he wants us to survive as a family. As a muslim women, am I asking for to much or does his brothers feelings come first?.
The husband has to understand that Allaah has enjoined upon him to take care of his children, to bring them up properly and to look after their affairs. He has also enjoined upon him to treat his wife in a good and kind manner. Allaah will question him about every shortcoming with regard to these duties on the Day of Resurrection.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”
“and live with them [women] honourably”
The husband should not allow into his life anything that may come between him and his taking care of his family, such as working continually, or allowing friends or relatives to take all his time or interfere in his family’s affairs.
Nowadays the Muslim cannot find enough time to do all the things that Allaah has enjoined upon him, so how can he waste his time with other things at the expense of these duties?
The wife should not try to come between her husband and his family. She should not complain about him visiting them or their visiting him, unless he is giving that priority over the duties that Allaah has enjoined upon him.
The father should not give anyone priority over his children, whether that is his brother or any other relative. Hence there is no need to cause a split and break the family ties between your husband and his brother, or between the children and their paternal uncle, because that will have a far-reaching effect on their relationships with other people and with their relatives.
We advise you to be kind and gentle towards your husband, and to show him that you have nothing against his relationship with his brother. Do not cause your children to dislike him.
If you see any shortcoming on your husband’s part with regard to his shar’i duties towards you, then denounce that and remind him in a manner that is better, without being too harsh. You can do that by hinting rather than stating it bluntly, unless there is a need for that.
We have seen similar cases in some families where the wife had another member of her family staying with them for some reason. So we think that the husband’s treatment of his family will get better if he sees his wife treating his family in a better manner.
And Allaah knows best.