I found out that my husband is committing sodomy with a boy who comes to him, but not all the time. He has been hiding this from us and he does not know that I know. What should I do? Please advise me, may Allaah reward you. Please note that I am not falling short with regard to my duties towards him.
He is 40 years old, he is not young, and as far as other people can see, he prays regularly. This problem has been going on for two years but I only found out recently.
Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. There is no power and no strength except with Allaah, the Exalted, the Almighty! A married man committing sodomy! By Allaah, this is the essence of corruption of man’s nature, absence of faith, lack of shyness, and lack of awareness that the Lord of the Worlds is always watching.
Your husband is cursed by Allaah, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Cursed is the one who does the action of the people of Loot.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 1878; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5891).
Your husband has committed a great sin, from which he must repent before death comes to him and he is subject to the wrath and vengeance of Allaah and loss in this world and in the Hereafter. See question no. 10050.
You have to advise him, after being certain that he has indeed done this, and remind him that Allaah is always watching him and that the Shaytaan is keen to mislead him, so that perhaps he may stop committing this sin. We ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound.
Then remind him that one day he will be a father – would he like anyone to commit this sin against his children?!
Homosexuality brings disasters to the one who does it, and it causes diseases from which few of those who commit this abhorrent evil action ever escape. It causes distress, anxiety and a sense of alienation in the one who does it and the one to whom it is done.
Also, it darkens the face, causes distress, erases light from the face, and makes the face grim, and anyone who has the slightest insight can recognize it.
Also, it inevitably leads to alienation, intense hatred and cutting off of ties between the one who does it and the one to whom it is done.
Also, it wrecks the lives of the one who does it and the one to whom it is done, in such a way that there is hardly any hope that matters can be put right, unless Allaah wills that they should repent sincerely.
Also, it takes away all good things from them, leaving them with the opposite, and it takes away all love and friendship between them, leaving them instead hating and cursing one another.
It is one of the greatest causes of blessings being lost and of the wrath of Allaah. For it inevitably leads to the curse and wrath of Allaah, and His turning away from the one who does it and not looking at him. What good can he hope for after that, and what evil can he be safe from?
What kind of life can a person have who is subject to the curse and wrath of Allaah, from whom Allaah has turned away His face and will not look at him?
Also, it destroys modesty in general, meaning the modesty which is the life of the heart. When the sense of modesty is lost, ugly things appear beautiful and beautiful things appear ugly. At that point corruption takes over.
Also, it generates insolence and impudence like nothing else can.
Also, it generates contempt, scorn and disdain like nothing else can.
And it leads to a person being hated, despised and looked down upon by people, and regarded as beneath contempt, as we seen in real life.
(From the words of Ibn al-Qayyim in Zaad al-Ma’aad, 4/263)
Modern medical studies have proven that this action causes a great deal of damage in the psyche, minds and bodies of those who commit it. The damage that it does includes the following:
Its effects on the nerves, brain, reproductive organs, viral infection of the liver. It leads to many serious homosexual diseases, such as syphilis, gonorrhoea, herpes and AIDS. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.
So you have to remind him of this serious damage. But if he does not stop this sin and give up this evil action, then warn him that you will demand a divorce, and that may make him stop. Note that living with this man – if he does not stop what he is doing – will result you and your children also being exposed to punishment, and you may also contract a disease that he has gotten as a result of his perverse actions. We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to guide your husband. Ameen.