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270834: How to form frendships


I am a young woman, twenty years old, studying at university. My problem is that I do not have any friends. I go to the college every day, and I do not speak to anyone and no one speaks to me. Even though I love people and treat them kindly, and everyone says that I am polite, no one makes friends with me. I do not even know the names of the other students with me. Every day I cry about this matter. I tried to console myself by watching YouTube, but unfortunately I became infatuated with someone who is famous on social media sites, and he is a non-Muslim. I fell in love with him and I know everything about him, even though I know that a person will be gathered (on the Day of Resurrection) with those whom he loves, and that a person will follow the religion of his close friends. I have tried many times to stop watching his videos, but I could not stop, because they are interesting and entertaining. Please note that the videos that he makes contain some foul language and talk that is not appropriate.

Published Date: 2017-09-29

Praise be to Allah

Firstly:

Forming friendships, in the light of what you have mentioned of your love for people and your kindness and politeness towards them, should be easy, in sha Allah.

That is because the basic foundation for success in social relationships is love for people, and being kind and polite towards them.

After that, all you have to do is take some effective practical steps to establish and build friendships and strengthen bonds, such as trying to take part in some collective activities, the most important of which is praying in congregation in the mosque in your university, if possible, or joining some women’s activities in your college.

You can also try to join various student clubs – that are for females only – which will give you the opportunity to get to know people and make friends with other female students in your class.

You can also establish contact with other female students with whom you share common interests, such as sharing a love of reading, exchanging useful books with one another and encouraging one another to do good deeds, such as reading Qur’an, praying regularly, attending study circles, helping the needy among your fellow students and neighbours, and other activities that are of benefit in both religious and worldly terms.

Another beneficial means of establishing friendships is helping students who have difficulties in understanding some subjects and topics, by providing them with notes and trying to explain the material to them and make it easy for them.

Secondly:

With regard to your infatuation with that young man, what appears to be the case is that this is the result of some hidden emotions that have manifested themselves in a wrong way, because of your ongoing anxiety at not being able to form friendships, and your feeling that the students are ignoring you.

Whatever the case, what you must do in this situation, according to Islamic teachings, is to release this energy and these emotions in a manner that is pleasing to Allah and that will benefit you in this world and in the hereafter, such as expressing it in the form of love for Allah, may He be exalted, and striving to obey Him, and love for the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and following his Sunnah, forming friendships and sound relationships with others, doing charitable or humanitarian deeds, honouring your parents, upholding ties of kinship, and showing kindness to neighbours.

There is nothing wrong with devoting some of your energy to keeping pets or growing plants, or other appropriate, permissible deeds, in order to provide an outlet for hidden emotions.

You must also close every door that could enable you to follow this young man and become more attached to him, because of what could result from that of sin, first of all, and also psychological and spiritual exhaustion.

Moreover, this young man does not know you or love you or care about you, and following him will lead to nothing except a vicious circle of emotional and psychological pain, in addition to what you will accumulate of sin as a result of loving one whom Allah has commanded you to hate, let alone the corruption that this may cause to your heart, soul and spirit as a result of getting used to following this evil person and listening to his foul language and shameless words and deeds.

May Allah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, may He be glorified.

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