Praise be to Allah.
What every Muslim is obliged to do, as you mentioned, is to love for his brother what he loves for himself of good things, and to hate for his brother what he hates for himself of bad things. This does not mean that he cannot like for himself what he likes for others. If he sees that his brother has something that he does not, and he wishes that he had it too, this is ghibtah (envy that is free from malice); if he wishes that the blessing would be taken away from them, this is called hasad (destructive jealousy).
The Muslim needs to strive against his own self (jihaad al-nafs) so that his heart will be free of jealousy towards his Muslim brothers. If he sincerely loves his brothers, most of these problems from which he is suffering will disappear. When the Muslim realizes how great his virtue and status will be when he loves his brothers and loves good things for them, and when he knows how great his reward will be if he treats them well, this will motivate him to treat them well in all ways, and to strive to benefit his brothers instead of being preoccupied with jealous thoughts of what they have and he doesn’t.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh.
You have to think long and hard about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
“That is the Grace of Allaah which He bestows on whom He wills
“It is We Who portion out between them their livelihood in this world, and We raised some of them above others in ranks, so that some may employ others in their work
Hasad (destructive jealousy) causes a great deal of harm in this world and in the Hereafter. Al-Tirmidhi narrated from al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awaam that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There has come to you the disease of the nations before you, jealousy and hatred. This is the ‘shaver’ (destroyer); I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (destroys) faith. By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of that which will strengthen love between you? Spread (the greeting of) salaam amongst yourselves.” (A hasan hadeeth. Jaami’ al-Tirmidhi, 2434).
Concerning the meaning of the phrase “it shaves (destroys) faith”, al-Tayyibi said: “i.e., hatred takes away faith like a razor takes away hair.” (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi bi Sharh Jaami’ al-Tirmidhi).
It seems, my brother, that you know the ruling and are aware of the consequences, and that you want to rid yourself of this blameworthy characteristic. Here are some solutions for you.
1- Make du’aa’ (supplication) to Allaah and ask Him to rid you of this problem. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say in his du’aa’, “Wa’hdi qalbi wa’slul sakheemata sadri (guide my heart and remove ill will from my breast).” The phrase “guide my heart” means to the straight path, and “remove ill will from my breast” means take away all insincerity, rancour and hatred.
2- Pondering the meanings of the Qur’aan and reading it frequently, especially the verses which speak of hasad (destructive jealousy), because reading the Qur’aan brings one a great deal of hasanaat (reward for good deeds). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds
3- Reading the seerah (biography) of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), seeing how he kept away from hasad and how he loved good for others, even for his enemies. Among the useful books on seerah is Noor al-Yaqeen fi Seerat Sayyid al-Mursaleen.
[Translator’s note: a well-known book of seerah which is available in English is “Al-Raheeq al-Makhtoom (the Sealed Nectar) – Biography of the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), by Safi-ur-Rahmaan al-Mubarakpuri]
4- Reading the biographies and stories of the Sahaabah in books such as Suwar min Hayaat al-Sahaabah by ‘Abd al-Rahmaan Ra’fat al-Basha)
5- If any such thoughts (of hasad, etc.) cross your mind, then seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, and keep yourself busy with something that will make you forget these insinuating whispers and thoughts.
6- If the Shaytaan manages to instil hasad in your heart, then beware lest you say or do anything which will show that hasad. Every person has his or her share of hasad. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: “Nobody is free from hasad, but the noble person hides it whilst the base person shows it.” (Amraad al-Quloob). A person will not be brought to account for whatever crosses his mind, but he will be brought to account for what he says and does. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will forgive my ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2033).
7- If you feel that you are jealous of a specific person, then buy him a gift and shake hands with him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shake hands, for this will dispel rancour, and exchange gifts and love one another, for this will dispel hatred.” (Narrated by Maalik in al-Muwatta’, 1413). Hasad is the result of hatred, whose opposite is love, the way of which is giving gifts and spreading (the greeting of) salaam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of that which will strengthen love between you? Spread (the greeting of) salaam amongst yourselves.” (Narrated by Muslim, 81).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said in his book Amraad al-Quloob (diseases of the heart):
“Whoever find in himself any hasad towards another has to try to neutralize it by means of taqwa (piety, consciousness of Allaah) and sabr (patience). So he should hate that (the feeling of hasad) in himself… But the one who does wrong to his brother by word or deed will be punished for that. The one who fears Allaah and is patient, however, is not included among the wrongdoers, and Allaah will benefit him by his taqwa.”
And Allaah knows best.