Advice to a sister who is going to get married

Praise be to Allah.

We ask Allah to make you steadfast and to cause your marriage to go ahead in a manner that He loves and is pleased with. 

Our advice to you is to fear Allah in secret and openly, and strive to please Him, may He be exalted, avoid that which incurs His wrath, turn to Him, put your trust in Him, seek His help, and seek His pleasure by pleasing your husband. Imam Ahmad (18524) narrated from al-Husayn ibn Mihsan that a paternal aunt of his came to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) concerning some need of hers, and when her need was met, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Do you have a husband?” She said: Yes. He said: “How are you with him?” She said: I do not fall short in serving him and pleasing him, except that which is beyond me. He said: “Watch how you are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell.”

Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 1509 

So start your life with your husband by hastening to obey him, and responding to his requests and needs so long as that does not involve any disobedience towards Allah, may He be exalted. 

Let cooperation in obeying Allah be one of the aims of your marriage. 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, and he wakes up his wife, and if she refuses (to get up) he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, and she wakes up her husband, and if he refuses (to get up) she sprinkles water in his face.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1308; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood

 Pay attention to the way you dress and adorn yourself; always appear in front of him in the best way he likes to see you, and you should not stop smiling when you are in his sight. 

Let cleanliness be your concern; do not let him see the house except in a tidy and clean state, and do not let him smell anything but pleasant fragrances. 

You should also pay attention to what kinds of food he likes. The man usually comes home from work exhausted and he likes to find joy and happiness in his home that will compensate him for his tiredness and exhaustion. That can only be achieved with good management on the part of a righteous woman, who welcomes him warmly and show that she is happy to see him. 

If he gets angry someday, then hasten to please him, even if you think that you were not in the wrong. Thus you will deserve to be one of the women of Paradise. 

See what he likes and do it, and see what he dislikes and avoid it, so long as that is in accordance with the laws and religion of Allah. 

Do not argue and debate with him too much, because that is blameworthy and that does not lead to anything good. 

If you see him committing a sin, then object to it in a kind and gentle manner, with wise words and reminding him of Allah. 

If he annoys or harms you, bear it with patience and do not hasten to complain to any of your family members or relatives, because disclosing the secrets of the household and talking about problems to others are things that will upset the husband and provoke conflict. Pay attention to his parents and sisters, for this comes under the heading of kindness that brings a woman closer to her husband. 

We will conclude with a reminder of the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise through whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.” Narrated by Imam Ahmad, 1664, from ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allah be pleased with her); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 660. 

We ask Allah to bless you both and bring you together in goodness.