I am a young woman in my 20s. My marriage contract was done a few months ago and we agreed to consummate the marriage after a year and a half. I feel very anxious and fed up because my husband is neglecting me and pays no attention to me, because he spends most or all of his time at work. I am very worried about this marriage, and especially since I am very young and am still living in my family's house, and I do not know what will happen when I move to his house. I feel very alone and am troubled by bad thoughts, especially since I was sought for marriage by many people, and I feel that I am wasting my life with this marriage. What do you advise me to do? What are my rights over my husband and what is the evidence from the Qur’aan and Sunnah concerning that?.
If your husband is religiously committed and of good character, then praise Allaah for the blessing of making this marriage possible, and stop feeling worried and anxious, although we feel that this worry is something to be expected in a woman of your age in your situation. Indeed many people feel a kind of anticlimax after becoming engaged or doing the marriage contract, but one should let one’s optimistic side prevail and think positively, so long as your family knew him before he proposed marriage, or has checked on him and done their utmost to find out about his situation, with regard to his religious commitment, character, trustworthiness and serious approach to life.
The fact that the husband has work which takes up a lot of his time is not to be regarded as something odd in this day and age, because of the high cost of living and lack of sources of income. The wise husband who is keen to take care of his family will strike a balance between that and fulfilling his family’s rights, so he will give them as much of his love, care and attention as he can when he comes back to them, and he will make the most of his resting times to spread an atmosphere of love and compassion that will make them forget that he is far away from them. This is something which we hope you will find with your husband, if Allaah wills, after consummation of the marriage.
The wife has rights over her husband, as he has rights over her. Her rights include: that he should provide her with sufficient accommodation, food and clothing, he should treat her kindly, he should pay attention to her religious commitment by helping her to worship Allaah, and he should keep her away from sin and protect her from her Fire. He has rights over her which are that she should obey him, treat him kindly, and protect him with regard to herself and her honour.
For more details on these rights, and the evidence for them, please see the answer to question number 10680.
We would like to draw your attention to the fact that if a woman is sought for marriage by many people, then if she accepts a man as her husband, she must be content with that and be pleased with him, and strive to make him happy, and hope for good in her life with him, and ask Allaah to help her to fulfil her duty towards him. Thus she will prepare herself for a happy life with him.
But the one who looks at her situation, thinks too highly of herself and is deceived by people’s interest in her, she may not be successful with her husband, and may not be content with her situation, so she will lose her happiness and peace of mind. May Allaah keep you safe from that.
To sum up, we are advising you to stop being afraid and worried, and to be optimistic and hopeful, and to ask Allaah for guidance and help.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him): “Say: ‘O Allaah, guide me and make me steadfast’.” Narrated by Muslim (2725).
According to another report: “Say: O Allaah, I ask You for guidance and steadfastness.”
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) entered upon me what I was praying, and he wanted something, but I took too long, so he said: “O ‘Aa’ishah, you should recite general and comprehensive du’aa’s.” When I had finished, I said: O Messenger of Allaah, what is general and comprehensive du’aa’? He said: “Say: O Allaah, I ask You for all goodness, now and later on, that which I know and that which I do not know; I seek refuge in You from all evil, now and later on, that which I know and that which I do not know. I ask you for Paradise and the words and deeds that will bring me closer to it, and I seek refuge in You from Hell and from the words and deeds that would bring me closer to it. I ask You for that which Muhammad asked You for, and seek refuge in You from that from which Muhammad sought refuge; whatever You decreed for me, make its consequences good.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad (639) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
Recite this du’aa’ a great deal and maintain a good relationship with Allaah, hoping for good from Him. Seek the help of a trustworthy advisor and one who has experience among your family and friends, if you need any help with your problem.
We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight with your husband, and to decree guidance, happiness and well-being for you both.
And Allaah knows best.