Advice and guidelines for a large family who want to have regular gatherings

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

The idea of having a family gathering once a month or once every two weeks, or less or more frequently than that, is a brilliant idea and a noble virtuous good deed, which will enable the family members to get to know one another, uphold ties of kinship and strengthen the bonds between them, so that those who are in need will be checked on and help will be offered to them, those who are financially well-off will become known and will be able to help, those who have debts will be known and their debts paid off, one who is falling short in religious duties will be exhorted and encouraged when joining this activity, and those who have knowledge or are seekers of knowledge will be able to offer advice and guidance, and there are many other great benefits in that.

Secondly:

The advice we offer to this blessed family and others who have regular gatherings is as follows:

1. The gatherings should be free of haraam mixing; the men should have their own gathering and the women should have their own gathering at the same time.
2. The gathering should be free of listening to haraam things such as music and watching haraam things such as movies, and the like.
3. There should be a program for the gathering, so as to make the most of the meeting and not waste time in idle pursuits.
4. There is nothing wrong with having some entertainment activities – in fact we strongly encourage that – such as contests and easy, light and fun games, offering prizes to the winners of the contests or to those who have memorized the Book of Allah in its entirety or some parts of it.
5. The gathering should not be on the basis of tribalism; rather the attendees of the gathering should understand the difference between meeting to uphold ties of kinship  and meeting to uphold familial or tribal sentiments. Those who do good should be praised and those who do wrong should be condemned.
6. It is possible – and indeed useful – to offer a few words of shar‘i advice and guidance in the gathering, which may be done by a scholar or a seeker of knowledge among the family, and if there is no one among them who can do that, then they can invite someone from outside the family to do this.
7. You should have a box for donations to support these gatherings, and to help family members when they get married, or have children, or undergo medical treatment, or study, and so on. And there should be another box for zakaah to be distributed to those who are entitled to receive zakaah according to Islamic teachings.
8. It is preferable to hold the meeting in a spacious venue in which – or close to which – there is a safe place for the children to play and to honour those who have memorized the Book of Allah, or who honour their parents or who adhere to Islamic manners and attitudes. The attendance of the entire family –if their number is few and not will cause any annoyance – is something good, so that the entire family can benefit from the meeting.
9. The organisers of the gathering should supply some useful flyers, books and tapes to be distributed to the attendees.

Secondly:

Upholding ties of kinship is one of the Islamic obligations on which there is consensus. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

{Fear Allah, in Whose name you demand your mutual [rights], and be mindful of your ties of kinship} [an-Nisa’ 4:1].

Severing ties of kinship is a major sin, and there is no scholarly difference of opinion concerning that at all. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

{So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship?

Those [who do so] are the ones that Allah has cursed, so He deafened them and blinded their vision} [Muhammad 47:22-23].

Upholding ties of kinship brings worldly benefits in addition to reward in the hereafter.

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1961) and Muslim (2557).

On our website there are many answers which speak of the virtue of upholding ties of kinship and offer guidelines thereon, and describe which relatives are the most important with whom ties must be upheld. You will find that in the following answers: 12292 , 4631 , 75057 and 72834 .

We ask Allah to guide you all to all that is good and righteous.

And Allah knows best.