I am in such pain and misery in my life and I do not know who to turn to for answers. I must start from the beginning for you to understand my problems. In August 2008 I met a man on the internet that was Muslim from Egypt. I was Catholic and I tried to convince him that he was on the wrong path in life. In October he convinced me to go and get a Qur’an to read and learn from. I started reading but still could not accept Islam as being the truth. I was married for 22 years to a man that I didn’t love and in January 2009 this man convinced me that if I truly believed in God that I could divorce this other man in my heart and I would not have to be with him any longer. I did this and then he told me that he wanted to marry me. He had me say that I such and such take this man such and such as my husband. I believed truly in my heart that he was now my husband in the eyes of God. I divided my first husband’s house in two. His house is very large and we could live under the same roof and not see each other. I have a daughter with him and I thought that I could have my house in two apartments so that she could still have a stable life. We talked as husband and wife and he talked with me still about Islam. I asked my first husband for a divorce and then I decided that I would say the shahada on June 2, 2009 for this man that I took as my husband in the eyes of God. At that time I really don’t think I truly believed in Islam but I did this for my new husband. After I said the shahada something in me changed. I had to find out more about Islam and I started to feel that Islam is the right path for me. I started to feel that what this man and I had was not a real marriage and I talked to him about this and he said he would send me a marriage contract and I must have it signed by two Muslim men. In January 2010 he sent me a marriage contract signed by him and I searched for two Muslim men that would sign it. I live in the United States in what is known as the Bible belt of America. It took me a long time to find two Muslim men that were willing to sign this paper. My entire family has turned their backs to me for choosing Islam. My brother calls me a Muslim terrorist and will not speak with me. My oldest sister calls me a sand monkey lover and my other sister says that I worship Satan because I pray in a strange language and have a ritual prayer as she calls it. My own mother will not allow me in her house wearing hijab and puts me down always. The only reason any of my family still talks with me is because of my daughter. I have lost all of my family and all of my friends except one friend who we have been friends for more than thirty years. She is the only one to accept me for me. My husband in Islam told me a long time ago not to go to the mosque for prayer, (there is a mosque in my city, and it is a very long ways from me). So I have always prayed at home in my bedroom. Everyday I pray and do duas. Everyday I read my Qur’an and hadiths. I am trying to learn Arabic so that I can read and pray in Arabic. I have joined a women’s class online to learn Tajweed, fiqh, and the history of Islam. I am trying to be the best Muslim woman, but everything seems so hard for me to deal with. My Muslim husband does wrong and I do cover his sins by not saying what he does. But the things he does hurt me very much. I feel lost in this world filled of hate. I live in constant pain from an injury from long ago and now I am having emotional pain as well. I have three questions and I do not know if you will answer all three, but all are very important to me. First, do I need to resay the shahada? Second am I truly married to this man from Egypt? Third what duas do I need to say to take this physical and emotional pain away from me?.
Praise be to Allaah.
We praise Allah for opening your heart to Islam and filling it with faith; we ask Him to make you steadfast and to help and guide you.
You are a Muslim now and you do not need to repeat the Shahaadah. Even if we assume that the first time you said it, it was not with full conviction of Islam, there is no doubt that you have said it many times after you became fully convinced and accepted this great religion.
Your marriage that was done in January 2010 is a valid marriage.
We advise you to pray a great deal and read Qur’aan, because these are among the greatest means of finding peace of mind. You should also try to convince your husband of the importance of going to the mosque and meeting Muslim women and looking for righteous friends who can help you in righteousness and good. The husband does not have the right to prevent his wife if she asks him for permission to go to the mosque, so long as she goes out observing proper etiquette and shar‘i rulings, and her going out does not result in any negative consequences or fitnah (temptation). That is because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (900) and Muslim (442), according to which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Do not prevent the female slaves of Allah from going to the mosques of Allah.”
For more details concerning that please see the answer to question no. 49898.
You have done well to join a class on the Internet to study tajweed, fiqh and Islamic history. This is making good use of time and acquiring knowledge by means of which Allah raises people in status and makes their deeds weigh heavily in the Balance.
You should remember that the believer will not be free of trials which will erase his sins and raise him in status. So be patient and seek reward with Allah, because what is with Allah of joy and blessing is worth that and more.
We ask Allah to take away your pain and relieve you of distress, and to grant you happiness in this world and the Hereafter.
And Allah knows best.