Tuesday 16 Ṣafar 1441 - 15 October 2019
English

What should she do about her husband who talks to women on his mobile phone and asks for their pictures?

Question

I have been married for four years, and four months ago I found out that my husband talks to women using social media and asks for naked pictures. I was devastated by this, and I began to pray for him and weep bitterly, beseeching Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. I have not spoken to him about this matter, because I saw all that on his mobile phone. Even though I never doubted him, and such a thing never even crossed my mind until his behaviour began to change, he grew attached to his mobile phone and would sit for hours. Please note that my husband is very good and compassionate, and he does not fall short in his treatment of me or my children. He has many good qualities, but he has this problem. My question is: what should I do about my husband, and how can I make him give up this haram thing? I fear for myself and my children, that Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, may punish us.

Answer

Praise be to Allah 

Undoubtedly this thing that you mention is a great calamity and is one of the fitnahs or turmoils that may befall a stable and peaceful family. Therefore, you have to handle this matter wisely and sensibly, and you should not collapse because of it or do anything that will lead to regrettable consequences. 

This foolish behaviour may be something temporary, that has overtaken him because of heedlessness on his part, in which case all that is needed is a reminder. 

As you say that he is a man who is kind and has a good attitude towards you and your children, then you should make the most of these good characteristics to turn him away from this problem and bring him back to his senses. 

My advice to you is as follows: 

·        Get closer to him and treat him kindly, as if he had not done anything. 

·        Beautify yourself for him at home, and wear adornment and perfume, because that which is halal and good prevents that which is haram and evil. 

·        Offer a lot of supplication and beseech Allah to guide him and avert evil from him. 

·        Do not let this matter come between you and him, or reduce your love and respect for him. Rather make it a means of you becoming closer to him and more caring towards him. No doubt he is dear to you and you love good for him, and you hate evil for him. Right now he is in the greatest need of you loving him more and being closer to him, so do not leave him to the Shaytan to control him. 

·        Remind him of Allah and warn him of the punishment and negative consequences of sin, without letting him realise that you know anything. You can do that by quoting verses of Quran and Prophetic hadiths. But if you know that direct exhortation from you may not be appropriate or may not have any effect on him, then you can seek help by using moving clips that you can try to tell him about, or put them on his computer, or send them to him in a text, and so on. 

·        You can also use Islamic pamphlets that encourage one to fear Allah and to keep away from sin and causes of temptation, especially the temptation of women. 

·        Remind him about his sons and daughters, and that righteousness of sons and daughters stems from righteousness of the father and mother. How many men have been tested and had problems with their children because of sins that they committed, for Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will make a man’s offspring righteous as a result of the father’s righteousness and good care of his children. 

·        Remind him of Allah, and of how He will expose people before the witnesses on the Day of Resurrection, and He may expose them in this world too, because of their daring to commit sin in private, not caring that Allah is watching, transgressing the limits of Allah and daring to do that which He has forbidden. 

·        Tell him that among this ummah there are some who will come on the Day of Resurrection with good deeds like mountains, but Allah will make them like scattered dust, because of their transgressing the sacred limits of Allah in secret, as was narrated by Ibn Majah (4245) from Thawban, from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) who said: “I certainly know people of my ummah who will come on the Day of Resurrection with good deeds like the mountains of Tihamah, but Allah will make them like scattered dust.” Thawban said: O Messenger of Allah, describe them to us and tell us more, so that we will not become of them unknowingly. He said: “They are your brothers and from your race, worshipping at night as you do, but they will be people who, when they are alone, transgress the sacred limits of Allah.”. Classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh Ibn Majah.

·        Tell him that it is shameful for a person to feel shy before people but not to feel shy before Allah, meaning that when he is alone he does acts of disobedience towards Allah, not caring that Allah can see him. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “They may hide (their crimes) from men, but they cannot hide (them) from Allah, for He is with them (by His Knowledge), when they plot by night in words that He does not approve” [an-Nisa; 4:108]. 

·        Whenever you find an opportunity, advise and remind him, without letting him realise that you know anything. If he does not respond to that and the advice has no effect on him, then tell him what you know and what you have found out about, and remind him again of Allah. Warn him of punishment in this world and the Hereafter, and tell him that the gate of repentance is open to the sinners, and that Allah, may He be exalted, is abundant in forgiveness: He stretches out His hand by night to accept the repentance of those who sinned during the day, and he stretches out His hand by day to accept the repentance of those who sinned by night. Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.

All of that should be in an atmosphere of gentle openness and compassionate rebuke, without being harsh.

We hope that by the grace of Allah, the Most Kind, the Most Merciful, your husband will come back to the path of obedience and guidance, and will be diverted from the ways and temptation of the Shaytan, and that Allah will make him a good husband for you and make you a good wife for him.

For more information, please see the answers to questions no. 150638 and 170662

And Allah knows best.

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