Our fourteen-year-old daughter’s best friend is a Muslim, but she and her family are not serious about following Islamic teachings. Her parents allow her to watch all kinds of movies, and they place no control or restrictions on Internet use. The girl visits malls on her own; she does not wear hijab and she wears provocative clothing. At home, we do not allow such things. Our daughter wears hijab and prays, but a year ago she began to object to our limitations on these things, and she says that if this girl can enjoy all these freedoms, why can’t she enjoy them too? Now she has become very stubborn, and sometimes disobeys us and behaves in a very bad way. During the weekend, she behaves normally, but when she receives a phone call from that girl, her behaviour changes suddenly. We feel that this is happening because of the bad influence of her bad friend. We have tried to convince her to keep away from this girl, but to no avail. Can you – please – tell me of a du`a’ (supplication) or ruqyah that will make our daughter not like this girl and keep away from her? We want her to keep away completely from this girl, because the nature of that girl and her parents is not likely to change. I hope that you can help us.
Praise be to Allah.
We ask Allah, may He be Exalted, to guide your daughter to the best of words, deeds and attitudes. Undoubtedly you are facing a difficult test, because it is not easy for parents to see their daughter’s behaviour deviate before their eyes, without being able to put a stop to it or change it for the better. There is no ruqyah in Islamic teaching that could make your daughter hate that friend of hers. This is something that practitioners of witchcraft do with spells to separate people and create enmity between them. Your daughter is not physically sick, such that ruqyah could be used to treat her; rather her sicknesses is in her faith and her behaviour.
As you know, the reason why she started misbehaving and treating you badly is her keeping company with that girl, so you must do your utmost to stop this bad friendship. What we advise you to do is as follows:
- Offer supplication sincerely asking Allah to guide your daughter and show her the right path, and protect her from bad friends.
- Try gently to persuade your daughter of the danger that this girl poses to her, and mention the impact of bad friends, especially the girls. You can quote as evidence for that true stories of girls who went astray because of bad company, and what that led to of some of them ending up in prison, being killed or suffering from serious illness. Similarly, you can keep talking to her in a clear way, explaining the danger to her life if she carries on with this friendship.
- One of the best means of diverting your daughter from her bad friend is to tell her that she should give up this friendship in response to the command of Allah, may He be Exalted, and for fear of His punishment, and that will only increase her in faith and adherence to Islam. So you should strive to guide her to what you think is appropriate, and one of the best ways of achieving that is to look for righteous girls to make friends with her. Perhaps that will be more effective than telling her not to keep company with that friend.
- The best thing you can do is look for a girls-only Muslim school where your daughter can complete her education. It is essential to make a deal with the school to keep an eye on your daughter with regard to her behaviour and religious commitment. You can request the school to make a special effort to take care of her. If that is not possible in the place where you live, then it may be appropriate for you to move house, or to move the girl to another school, if it is possible to do that without it causing you too much trouble. Cutting off her opportunities to meet that girl will reduce her negative impact on her.
- One of the most effective ways of setting your daughter straight and cutting off her friendship with that bad girl is getting her married. Marriage will protect her hearing, sight and faculties, and will leave no room for unlawful desires, in sha Allah. So try hard to do that, and do not pay any attention to anyone who tells you that she is too young, for such people are not being sincere to you.
- It is appropriate to compensate your daughter with permissible things that she likes and are not harmful to her, so that she will not feel that you are completely depriving her of everything; rather you are depriving her of something that is harmful and corrupting, and compensating for it with something that is beneficial and that she likes. So you could buy her some gold that suits her and that you can afford, or other gifts that she likes.
We ask Allah to guide your daughter, and the daughters and sons of all the Muslims, to that which is best, and to help you in your upbringing of her.
And Allah knows best.