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1)how does islam reconcile a son with his father when they have misunderstanding?
2) should they all be given right to speak they part, so that you figure out the problem and solve it or the father alone and blame the child?
Praise be to Allah.
The father has a high status in Islam, that is shared by no one else except the mother.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No son can repay his father unless he finds him enslaved and buys him and manumits him.” Narrated by Muslim (1510)
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Pleasing the Lord is attained by pleasing one’s father and angering the Lord is done by angering one’s father.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1899); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
· No matter how bad the misunderstandings or differences between a son and his father, he has no choice but to keep good company with him, even if the difference between them has to do with the fundamentals of religion.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.
But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” [Luqmaan 31:14-15].
You should understand that talking and conversing with parents is not like talking to anyone else, because you are enjoined to lower the wing of humility towards them, speak gently, be humble, lower your voice in their presence, act humbly towards them, and not speak harshly to them, no matter how mild the words, and not to do anything that they dislike or refuse to do anything permissible that they love.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.
And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small’” [al-Isra’ 17:23-24].
It was narrated from Hishaam ibn ‘Urwah that his father said: “And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy” means: do not refuse to do anything that they love.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, in the chapter: Leen al-Kalaam li’l-Waalidayn. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
Islam also guarantees the rights of the son when present his case to his father or advise him, within the limits of the etiquette and guidelines mentioned above, especially if he is wronged and wants to defend himself, or if he sees his father committing some evil and wants to stop him doing it.
Think about the well-mannered discussion between the Prophet of Allah Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) and his father who associated others in worship with the Lord of the Worlds.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And mention in the Book (the Qur’an) Ibrahim (Abraham). Verily! He was a man of truth, a Prophet.
When he said to his father: ‘O my father! Why do you worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot avail you in anything?
‘O my father! Verily! There has come to me of knowledge that which came not unto you. So follow me. I will guide you to a Straight Path.
‘O my father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan). Verily! Shaytaan (Satan) has been a rebel against the Most Beneficent (Allah).
‘O my father! Verily! I fear lest a torment from the Most Beneficent (Allah) overtake you, so that you become a companion of Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hell-fire).’
He (the father) said: ‘Do you reject my gods, O Ibrahim (Abraham)? If you stop not (this), I will indeed stone you. So get away from me safely before I punish you.’
Ibrahim (Abraham) said: ‘Peace be on you! I will ask Forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily! He is unto me, Ever Most Gracious.’” [Maryam 19:41-47].
And Allah knows best.