Praise be to Allah.
The calamity of death is a calamity that no one can escape, and it is a test for us so that we may do righteous deeds and thus attain reward and the good pleasure of Allah. Grief and weeping at the loss of a relative is something permissible, if it is within normal bounds and is not accompanied by wailing or discontent. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wept at the death of his son Ibraaheem, and he said: “The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we do not say anything but that which pleases our Lord, and indeed we are saddened by your departure, O Ibraaheem.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1220) and Muslim (4279).
Calamities in this world expiate sins. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No hardship, pain, worry, grief, harm or distress befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5210) and Muslim (4670).
But this weeping and grief should be moderate, so that they do not affect a person’s interests in this world or in the hereafter, or distract him from his work and duties, and his worship of Allah. Rather he should be patient and seek reward with Allah, so that he may attain the reward of those who are patient, and so that Allah will expiate his bad deeds and raise him in status.
Our advice to your friend is that she should distract herself from the calamity that has befallen her by doing some worthwhile deeds, such as seeking knowledge, reading, reciting Qur’an, or permissible leisure pursuits. She should seek refuge with Allah from worry and grief, and avoid being alone, for that is something that may give the Shaytaan power over her.
She should understand that the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade women to mourn the deceased for more than three days, except in the case of a husband. He (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for anyone who dies, except for a husband; she should mourn him for four months and ten days.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1280) and Muslim (1486).
So it is not permissible for a woman to continue to grieve, avoiding adornment, because of the death of anyone for more than three days, except in the case of her husband, in which case she should continue to avoid adornment for the entire duration of the ‘iddah.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to grant her patience and help her to be obedient to Him.
And Allah knows best.
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