Praise be to Allah.
We ask Allaah to help you cope with the calamities that have befallen you, and to grant you the reward of those who are patient, for He is Most Generous, Most Kind.
The husband should realize that he is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. Allaah has enjoined upon him to treat them in a good and proper manner and to treat his family kindly. Our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best towards his wife, and I am the best of you towards my wives.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami, 3314). Part of that good and kind treatment means not beating one’s wife in a severe manner and not insukting or cursing her. He should realize that this is a violation of the trust with which Allaah has entrusted him.
We have heard that many people have a hard time finding a job by which they may earn their livelihood, and that it may take a long time to find a suitable job. We have heard that many of these people oppress their wives and beat them, as if they are the cause of what is happening to them. It is as if they use this situation to justify their abhorrent actions. These men have to fear Allaah and to realize that they are the ones who are most in need of obeying Allaah and keeping away from haraam things; they should not commit sins then justify that for themselves.
The Muslim has to realize that he is in the world of trials and tests, so he must adorn himself with patience in bearing all the things that happen to him in this life. He should turn to Allaah by praying to Him to relieve him of the disasters that have befallen him, for He is the One Who relieves worry and distress, and Who answers the prayer of the one who has been wronged, may He be glorified and praised. Nothing is hidden from Him and there is nothing that He is unable to do in the heavens or on earth, to Him be praise in the beginning and at the end.
He is the most generous of those who are generous, and His slave does not seek to draw close to Him but He is even swifter in drawing close to His slave. Al-Bukhaari (6856) and Muslim (4832) narrated in their Saheehs that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah says: ‘I am as My slave thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand’s span, I draw near to him an arm’s length; and if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”
In your case, my sister, Allaah is testing you by means of a man whose behaviour and attitude are bad. Based on what has been mentioned in the question, it is permissible for you to ask for a divorce (this is what is called khula’), because living with this man and anyone like him is something that is unbearable. Perhaps Allaah will compensate you with someone better than this man. If you cannot find another husband, then staying without a husband in your parents’ house, where you will be cared for and respected, will be better for you than staying with this man, so long as you do not fear that you will be tempted or will fall into haraam things. But if you fear that you may be tempted, then being patient and bearing worldly troubles by staying with this man will be better for you than having to bear the punishment of Allaah.
The reasons for which it is permissible for a woman to seek divorce (khula’) from her husband are mentioned in Question 1859 on this site.
And Allaah knows best.
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