Saturday 1 Ṣafar 1442 - 19 September 2020
English

Her husband does not want to have children for fear that she may have a miscarriage

Question

I really want to have more children, and I am longing for that, but my husband does not want that and refuses. Every time I mention this topic to him, he gets angry with me, and the reason is that I will have a miscarriage. In fact we have two daughters, praise be to Allah, but after that I had two miscarriages, and the second miscarriage was four years ago now. At first I was not psychologically ready, but now – praise be to Allah – I am ready, but he refuses completely. I always advise him that we should put our trust in Allah, for no one knows whether I will have a miscarriage or not except Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. What advice can you give him?

Answer

Praise be to Allah.

Having children is a right shared by both spouses, and one of them does not have the right to take contractive measures except with the consent of the other. Hence it is prohibited for a man to engage in coitus interruptus with a free woman [i.e., his wife, as opposed to a concubine] except with her consent, because they both have the right to have children.

Ahmad (212) and Ibn Maajah (1928) narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade forbade practising coitus interruptus with a free woman except with her consent.

Classed as saheeh by Ahmad Shaakir in Tahqeeq al-Musnad. Classed as da‘eef by al-Albaani in Da‘eef Ibn Maajah.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He should not engage in coitus interruptus with his wife except with her permission. Al-Qaadi said: The apparent meaning of Ahmad’s words is that the wife’s permission must be sought with regard to coitus interruptus because of the report narrated from ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade forbade practising coitus interruptus with a free woman except with her consent. Narrated by Ahmad in al-Musnad and by Ibn Maajah.

Moreover, she has the right to have a child, and coitus interruptus may be harmful for her, so it is not permissible except with her permission.

End quote from al-Mughni (7/2898).

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The scholars say that he should not engage in coitus interruptus with a free woman except with her permission; that is, he should not withdraw from his wife except with her permission, because she has the right to have children.

Moreover, withdrawing without her permission is detracting from her pleasure, because the wife’s satisfaction can only be after ejaculation.

Based on that, not asking her permission deprives her of her pleasure in full, and leads to missing out on having children. Hence we stipulated that it must be with her permission.

End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/190).

With regard to the fear of miscarriage, if the doctor has not told you that you have a problem that will lead to miscarriage, then you should not be afraid of that. Rather one should think positively of one’s Lord and ask Him of His bounty.

In the answer to question no. 151643, we stated that the wife is not obliged to obey her husband with regard to using contraceptives, because of what that may lead to of her missing out on her rights. She may use tricks in order to have children, which is one of the most important aims of marriage. She may blatantly refuse to use contraceptive methods, and if he persists in his attitude, she may ask for divorce in order to alleviate the harm that is befalling her.

You should advise your husband about this matter, speaking to him gently and seeking the help of Allah to open his heart and guide him.

We ask Allah to rectify your affairs.

And Allah knows best.

Source: Islam Q&A