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For 15 days of Ramadan my period came and went three times so I couldn't fast. I lost all motivation and when I finally could fast I couldn't pray taraweeh because I have a new born and one year old to look after then at night I had to sleep so I could wake up with them and have rested well to look after them as they wake up early too. I feel as though I couldn't do enough good deeds like everyone else. When I make up the fasting day will my reward and good deeds count the same as if it's Ramadan. Please advise me on my motherhood and how to do good deeds when I have the responsibility of my house and kids.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
If someone does not fast during Ramadan because of an excuse, then makes up that fast, he or she will have a reward like that of fasting in Ramadan, if Allah wills.
The evidence for that is the hadith of Abu Moosa (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a person falls sick or travels, there will be recorded for him the like of what he used to do when he was at home (not travelling) and was healthy.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2834).
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: This refers to one who used to do an act of worship, then was prevented from doing it, but his intention is that were it not for the impediment, he would still be doing it, as was clearly narrated by Abu Dawood via al-‘Awwaam ibn Hawshab, with this isnad, from Hushaym. According to another report: “… like the best of what he used to do when he was healthy and at home (not travelling).” This is also mentioned in the marfoo‘ hadith of ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas: that if a person had a good practice of doing acts of worship then he falls sick, it is said to the angel who is appointed over him: Record for him the like of what he used to do when he was healthy, until I cause him to recover or take him to Me [in death]. Narrated by ‘Abd ar-Razzaaq and Ahmad; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim. Ahmad also narrated a marfoo‘ hadith from Anas: “When Allah tests his Muslim slave with a calamity in his body, Allah says: ‘Record for him the righteous deeds that he used to do.’ Then if he recovers then that [sickness] will be like a purification for him and if his soul is taken, then Allah will forgive him and have mercy on him.” According to a report by Ibraaheem as-Saksaki from Abu Burdah that was narrated by at-Tabaraani via Sa‘eed ibn Abi Burdah, from his father, from his grandfather: “Allah will record for the one who falls sick the best of what he used to do when he was healthy, so long as he is still sick…” According to the hadith of ‘Aa’ishah that was narrated by an-Nasaa’i: “ There is no man who used to pray at night who is overwhelmed by sleep or sickness [and misses his usual prayer at night], but there will be recorded for him the reward of his prayer, and his falling asleep is like a gift to him.” (Fath al-Baari).
If this applies to one who stopped doing a good deed because of an excuse and did not do it at all, because he was not instructed to make it up, such as praying qiyaam and reading Qur’an, then it is more appropriate that the one who does a good deed after the excuse no longer applies should also be granted reward, such as when a woman who was menstruating makes up missed fasts.
Hence some of the scholars said that the menstruating woman continues to receive the reward for prayer during her menses.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: Some of the Shaafa‘i fuqaha’ say that the menstruating woman continues to receive the reward for prayer during the time of her menses, because of the general meaning of the hadith of Abu Moosa: “If a person falls sick or travels…”?
He replied: This is not far-fetched, and the apparent meaning of the evidence indicates that if Allah knew from before that if it were not for menses she would have prayed, then she will have the reward of those who pray, similar to the case mentioned in the hadith: “If a person falls sick or travels, Allah will record for him [the reward of] what he used to do when he was healthy and at home [not travelling].” And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said concerning the Sahaabah who stayed behind from the Tabook campaign: “You did not travel any valley or mountain pass but they were with you”; according to another version, “… but they shared with you in the reward; they were kept back by excuses.”
If Allah knows about the menstruating woman and the woman who is bleeding following childbirth that nothing is preventing them (from fasting and praying) except this, then there is the hope that they will have the reward in full.
End quote from the website of Shaykh Ibn Baaz.
And he (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: Will the one who does not fast in Ramadan because of a legitimate excuse, such as old age, for example, and feeds the poor [instead of fasting] have a reward like that of the one who fasts?
He replied: There is the hope that he will have that, because he is excused according to Islamic teachings, and the one who is excused comes under the same ruling as the one who fasts. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a person falls sick or travels, there will be recorded for him the like of what he used to do when he was at home and was healthy.” So the elderly person who is unable to fast will have the reward of those who fast, because he is excused, and were it not that he is unable, he would have fasted. So he is excused, but he must feed one poor person for each day, if he is able to do that. But if he is unable to fast and unable to feed the poor people, then he does not have to do anything; he does not have to fast and he does not have to feed poor people, because Allah, may He be glorified, says (interpretation of the meaning): {So fear Allah as much as you are able} [at-Taghaabun 64:16]. (Fataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb 16/104).
Secondly:
The righteous woman should strike a balance between taking care of her house and family, and doing acts of worship such as prayer, fasting, dhikr, seeking Islamic knowledge, and so on. This may be achieved by organizing her time and committing herself to a regular schedule.
Things that will help her to do that include the following:
1.. Joining programs, such as study circles for memorizing Qur’an and other educational programs (including online programs).
2. Mixing with righteous women in the mosque, Islamic centre, and so on.
3. Spending some money in order to have free time to worship her Lord, by hiring someone to come and look after her children or clean the house.
4. One of the greatest means that will help in that is reciting this dhikr before going to sleep:
Al-Bukhaari (5361) and Muslim (2727) narrated from ‘Ali that Faatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) went to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) to complain to him of the pain that she felt in her hand because of using the grindstone, and she had heard that some slaves had been brought to him [and she wanted to ask him for a servant]. But she did not find him at home. She mentioned that to ‘Aa’ishah, and when [the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)] came home, ‘Aa’ishah told him. He came to us when we had gone to bed, and we went to get up, but he said: “Stay where you are.” Then he sat between us, until I could feel the coolness of his foot on my stomach. Then he said: “Shall I not teach you something better than what you asked for? When you go to your bed, glorify Allah (by saying “Subhaan Allah”) thirty-three times, praise Him (by saying “Al-hamdu Lillah”) thirty-three times and magnify Him (by saying “Allahu akbar”) thirty-four times. That is better for you than a servant.”
So seek the help of Allah, may He be exalted, organize your time, be keen to find good company, and join some educational and da‘wah programs.
And Allah knows best.