Praise be to Allah.
Islam forbids men to imitate women and women to imitate men, and in fact it emphatically forbids that, to such an extent that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed those who go against the human nature with which Allaah created them.
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed men who imitate women and women who imitate men, and he said: “Throw them out of your houses.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5885).
Undoubtedly one of the most obvious signs of an effeminate man is that he wears women’s clothing and imitates their ways.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the man who wears women’s clothing and the woman who wears men’s clothing. Narrated by Abu Dawood (4098) and classed as saheeh by al-Nawawi in al-Majmoo’ (4/469) and by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed masculinized women. Narrated by Abu Dawood (4099); classed as hasan by al-Nawawi in al-Majmoo’ (4/469) and as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
Al-Mannaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
As al-Nawawi said, this indicates that it is haraam for men to imitate women and vice versa, because if it is haraam with regard to clothing then imitating them in one’s movements and tone of voice is even more abhorrent. So it is haraam for men to imitate women and vice versa with regard to clothing that is unique to one sex, and the one who does that is subject to the threat of being cursed. End quote.
Fayd al-Qadeer (5/343).
Once this is established, we will know that the Islamic ruling on this kind of sexual perversion is that it is haraam, and it is a major sin. So it is not permissible to do that whether alone or with one’s wife, because going against the sound human nature (fitrah) that Allaah has created in us can only result in corruption and evil. Allaah has created man with masculine qualities that cannot go with wearing women’s clothing or imitating women’s mannerisms.
Undoubtedly the one who seeks to be effeminate and derives pleasure from that and thinks that it fulfils his desire is sick with a disease that the doctors describe as a “fetish”. They have behavioural programs to treat such cases that are presented to them, so anyone who is faced with this problem should not hesitate to go to a psychologist to supervise his treatment for this sickness.
All we can do is remind him of Allaah and make his religious commitment a positive and effective factor in ridding him of this waswaas. He should remember the wrath of Allaah towards effeminate men, and he should remember that He can see everything they do, and that this life is a few short days that will quickly cease to be, and a man will be left with his deeds in the Hereafter.
We remind him to seek the help of Allaah, for He is the best of helpers and the best One to ask for help. If a person is sincere in his du’aa’ and seeking help and turning to Him, Allaah will answer his prayer and relieve him of his problem. But part of praying sincerely is sincerely applying the means and striving hard and being patient until full healing comes and he gives up these evil haraam practices. And for his efforts and patience he will be rewarded by Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted.
The best thing that will help him to give up this inclination is marriage, because it opens the door to satisfying sexual desires in good and halaal ways. Whilst he is waiting for that, he should distract himself from desires by filling his time with acts of worship and beneficial habits, and he should try to fast, because it is very helpful in controlling desires. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said concerning it: “Whoever cannot afford (to get married) should fast, for it will diminish his desire.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1905) and Muslim (1400).’
One of the most important things that will help him is: respecting the sacred limits set by Allaah, by refraining from looking at people’s ‘awrahs and refraining from thinking of desires, because looking at haraam things is the basis of every calamity, and that is what leads one to these bad, perverted habits that he sees among some perverts.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Looking generates thoughts, then thoughts generate ideas, then ideas generate desire, then desires generate will, then the will grows strong and resolves to do the deed, and then the deed will inevitably take place unless there is something to prevent it. Concerning this it was said that patience in lowering the gaze is easier than patience in bearing the pain that comes afterwards. End quote.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 106).
It should be noted that thinking about such perversions will inevitably lead to doing them, so it is essential to divert oneself from such thinking, and to distract oneself with permissible kinds of pleasure with one’s wife. He should not try to connect fulfilment of desire with those bad practices. That is the whispers of the shaytaan. Undoubtedly the best kind of pleasure is that which is achieved in accordance with the sound human nature with which Allaah has created people.
We ask Allaah to guide you to the straight path.
And Allaah knows best.