Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
We ask Allaah to guide you and your fiancé, and to bless you by enabling you to repent sincerely and do righteous deeds, and to join you together in a righteous family that honours the rights of Allaah, obeying His laws and practising His religion.
Secondly:
From what we can see from your question, we think that you love goodness and hate evil. Among the signs of that is the fact that you wear shar’i hijab, and you feel bad about returning to sin after repenting from it.
The matter has nothing to do with another person whom we blame for not helping us to obey Allaah or helping us to refrain from sin, rather it all has to do with the individual and his self that is inclined towards evil and his response to the temptations of the shaytaan. We want you to set yourself straight and that will be a cause of your husband being set straight and even your children.
What you are suggesting of cancelling the engagement is not the solution, because you are in love with him and he is in love with you.
If you cancel the engagement, will your situation before Allaah be any better? If the answer is yes, then why isn’t that the case now? You are not married yet, so you can combine sincere repentance and marrying the one you love if you truly return to your religious commitment.
Thirdly:
You should note that it is obligatory to repent from sin immediately according to scholarly consensus. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)”
[al-Tahreem 66:8]
True repentance has to do with past, present and future. As for the past, it is regret for what you have done. As for the present, it is giving up the sin immediately. As for the future, it is resolving never to return to it.
Al-Shanqeeti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
True repentance is sincere repentance, which includes its three essential parts in the correct manner: giving up the sin if he was still committing it; regretting what he has done that went against the commands of his Lord; and intending never to go back to disobeying Allaah. End quote.
Adwa’ al-Bayaan (6/206)
Fourthly:
If a person repents sincerely, then he wakens and the shaytaan causes him to slip and sin again, that does not cancel out his previous repentance, but he has to repent again from the new sin, and so on; every time he sins again, he must repent again.
Al-Shanqeeti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It seems from the words of the scholars that if a person repents sincerely, and Allaah expiates his sins by means of this sincere repentance, then he returns to that sin again, his first repentance that was done in the required manner is not invalidated by the return to sin, rather he must repent anew for his new sin, unlike those who say that his return to sin cancels out his first repentance. End quote.
Adwa’ al-Bayaan (6/206)
He should not forego repenting and praying for forgiveness every time he falls into sin, rather the shaytaan would like to gain victory over the sinner in this manner, until his sins accumulate and he despairs of the mercy of Allaah by failing to repent and seek forgiveness.
Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It was said to al-Hasan al-Basri: Shouldn’t one of us feel too shy before his Lord to ask for forgiveness of his sins then do them again, then ask for forgiveness then do them again? He said: The shaytaan would love to gain victory over you in this manner. Do not ever get bored of asking for forgiveness.
Jaami’ al-‘Uloom al- Hikam (1/165).
Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali narrated that ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
O people, whoever has committed sin, let him ask Allaah for forgiveness and repent. If he does it again, let him ask Allaah for forgiveness and repent, and if he does it again, let him ask Allaah for forgiveness and repent. Sins are like a yoke on the neck of a man, and doom lies in persisting.
Then Ibn Rajab said: What this means is that a person will inevitably commit whatever sins have been decreed for him, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The son of Adam’s share of zina has been decreed for him and he will inevitably do it.” But Allaah has given each person a way out from whatever sins he commits, and erases it by means of repentance and prayers for forgiveness. If he does that he will rid himself of the evil of sin, but if he persists in sin he will be doomed. End quote.
Jaami’ al-‘Uloom al-Hikam (1/165).
Fifthly:
Our advice to you and your fiancé is to be in the state that Allaah loves, so you should advise him of what we have told you, which is that repentance is essential and it must be sincere. You should both realize that life is short and no one knows when he will meet his Lord, so he should be keen to do acts of worship and obedience and to avoid evil deeds, before the time of regret comes to him, when he cannot delay his death for a moment and he cannot return to this world once he has died and his time has ended.
You have to cooperate in doing good and resolve to give up sin. Spend your time in remembering Allaah (dhikr) and always recite the dhikrs for morning and evening, and perform naafil prayers and say du’aa’. Beware of having any sins, music, mixing or other evils in your wedding, for these are things that anger the Lord.
We ask Allaah to bless you and to join you together in good, and we ask Him to help you to do that which pleases Him.
Sixthly:
If your sin is that which happens between a man and his fiancée of overstepping the mark, then our advice to you is to hasten to get married, so that you will be his wife, and then it will be permissible for you to do that which a man does with his wife, and a woman with her husband.
And Allaah knows best.
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